Families Supporting Adoption

Adoption: Including the Whole Family

2012-01-22T20:53:00.000-07:00

Adoption: Including the Whole Family By Alison Baugh Find the article here

Adoption means big changes for the whole family. Here’s how my parents helped include me in this special event.

My baby sister was placed in my arms as Mom sat next to me with tears running down her face, and Dad recorded it all on video. I knew this baby girl belonged in our family. We had started the adoption process two years earlier, and since then, I had been anticipating the time when I would no longer be an only child and we would have another member of our eternal family. Now that day had come!

Although there is a seven-year age difference between my sister and me, the transition from being an only child to an older sibling was easy. I attribute this to my parents’ teaching me the importance of families and involving me in the entire adoption process. Following are some of the ideas my parents used to include me, the sibling, in the changes taking place in our family. If you choose to use any of these, you may need to adapt them for your own family needs and personalities, but they worked for us.

Be Open with Children

From the time they first met with a social worker at LDS Family Services, my parents were open with me about their adopting a baby and my having a new sibling. When they met with the social worker without me, they let me know what had happened. They explained to me things we wouldn’t share outside our immediate family, and this helped me feel important and trusted. Although I asked questions that had answers too complicated for a five- or six-year-old, my parents gave answers that were appropriate for my maturity level.

When our social worker visited our home one day, he noticed a chalk drawing on our sidewalk I had made a few days earlier of our family holding the new baby. While he was visiting with my mom, the social worker told me that he loved my drawing. He also told me that I would soon be able to put a name by the baby, as I had for the rest of us. I was ecstatic—he loved my picture!

Later, after my sister was adopted, my parents began doing presentations for LDS Family Services, and I was able to attend some of them. Hearing their testimony about how adoption had changed our lives helped me feel included in the entire process.

Let Children Know What Is Coming

Adoptions are generally more open than they used to be, and often the birth and adoptive parents meet and talk prior to the birth. Although we knew that a birth mother was considering our family for placement, we didn’t know it was final until the social worker called us. The day we heard our good news began as any other day with my mom and me eating breakfast. Then the phone rang, and a new chapter began in our lives. Soon there were tears running down her face and she reached over to squeeze my hand and whispered, “We’re getting our baby!” Her including me in that moment is something I will always cherish. We had to keep the news to ourselves for three days until we could pick up my sister—not an easy feat for a seven-year-old. (This was in case the birth mother changed her mind.) But again, it made me feel special and included.

Let Children Help Select or Create Gifts

If you’re buying gifts for the new sibling or for the birth mother, I suggest including the older children. I drew my sister’s birth mother a picture while my parents met with her and her family. I don’t remember what I drew, but I do remember wanting to show her how grateful I was for what she had sacrificed for me to have a little sister. I was also able to help select some new clothes and toys for my sister to have when she came home.

Involve the Children in Welcoming the Baby

My most treasured part of the adoption process was seeing my sister for the first time. When hospital staff brought her into the waiting room, my parents let me be the first to hold her. They even let me help choose her name. I felt like the luckiest big sister in the world. I also got to call and share the good news with extended family and friends. This was one of my favorite things, especially after having had to resist telling everyone the news that my sister was coming. My parents let me be a proud older sibling and show off my sister, which was something I had been awaiting for a long time.

Let Children Attend the Official Court Hearing

Following paperwork and a waiting period, adoptions are finalized at a court hearing. Because I was able to be there, I had a better understanding that the process was legally complete and my sister would always be a part of our family. Getting our picture in the local newspaper because ours was one of the first hearings in our district’s new courthouse helped make the hearing even more exciting for me.

Show Gratitude for the Temple Sealing

My family could be sealed in the temple just weeks after the adoption was made legal. My parents used this unique opportunity to instill in me a greater appreciation for the sealing power that allows families to be together forever. I’ll never forget what it was like to be dressed in white, to look at our reflection in the mirrors, and to know my family could always be together. Since that time, I’ve known I will never settle for anything less than an eternal family in my future.

In the years since the adoption, my sister and I haven’t been without the usual sibling rivalry, but I will always be grateful for the opportunity my family had to adopt her. I will also always be grateful to my parents for involving me in the process and making it a family affair.

Update: Hoping to Adopt, Pass Along Cards

2012-01-17T14:27:00.000-07:00

**If you are new to this blog and would like to know more about FSA's project that includes distributing hoping to adopt couple's pass along cards, please view the blog post that is down this page a post or two!

We are excited about this opportunity to help people get their pass along cards out! If you would like your pass along cards to be included in the adoption books, please drop off your cards to the Sandy LDS Family Services office and ask the front desk to give the cards to Charlotte. We plan on making 40 books and can fit 3 cards per couple so you are welcome to bring up to 120 cards.

Please have these cards to Charlotte by February 22. Feel free to email me (sandyfsa@gmail.com) if you have any questions. Thank you!

Adoption Art

2012-01-16T15:10:00.001-07:00

I found this darling blog http://www.darlingdoodles.blogspot.com/ and the woman that is the blogger is also hoping to adopt! She has made adoption art printables that you can get FREE from her blog. Click here to visit her blog. Here are some of my favorites...

Hoping to Adopt? Send us your pass along cards!

2012-01-09T14:03:00.001-07:00

Right now, FSA is putting together books to leave at various doctor's offices and hospitals. These will contain stories from birth mothers, birth grandparents, adoptive families, resources, etc. In the back, we are going to have a place for pass along cards for people that are hoping to adopt so that if someone reads the information and wants to take one, they are available.

The cards will need to be the size of a business card. If you haven't made pass along cards or yours are bigger than this, don't worry! You have time! I'm going to make some for our family and put them in also and I haven't started yet. This is a really great opportunity so don't pass it up!!! We aren't planning on going around restocking them so you'll want to get your cards in the first time. You have a month or so to get this done. Please email me (sandyfsa@gmail.com) or leave a comment if you want yours in there so that I make sure that we plan on you.

Advocate for Adoption in 2012

2012-01-03T12:18:00.000-07:00

Happy New Year! I love the beginning of the new year because I always feel motivated to be a little bit better in all areas of my life. Adoption being one of them! I've been thinking about this and thought I would remind everyone of some ideas of how to advocate for adoption in 2012. All of us can do this whether we have adopted, are hoping to adopt, are a birth parent, or just know someone in one of these situations.

1. Talk About Adoption: Tell people that you are hoping to adopt. Have discussions about it. Explain that so many adoptions happen through word of mouth. They may know someone that knows someone that is planning on placing a child for adoption and it can only help if they know that you are hoping to adopt!

2. Educate! What kind of reactions do you get when people find out you are a birthmom or have adopted a child? I have gotten many different reactions from people and how you react to them will educate people about adoption for good or bad. I love to be able to tell people, in a kind way, after they have said something inaccurate about Noah's birth parents or what kind of situation they must have been in, how wonderful his birth parents are! I think it surprises people. I also have conversations with people all the time about open adoption. It is a hard thing for people to understand and I hope that through me telling them my experiences that people don't see it in such a negative light anymore.
You can even give presentations in your wards and stakes to help educate church leaders on adoption. (Email me if you want more info on this!)

3. Get involved with FSA (Families Supporting Adoption): There are so many opportunities through FSA to advocate for adoption. You can spend a lot of time being involved or just a little bit. Right now, Sandy FSA is on booklets to have in OBGYN offices to educate about adoption. They will have adoption stories, resources, etc. We would love your ideas on additional ways to reach out and educate the community. There is always a need for help with junior high and high school presentations. Plus, by getting involved with FSA, you get to know other families or birth families that have been impacted by adoption. Sometimes this helps us feel more comfortable with sharing our own experiences when we know others in our same situation.

4. Understand Laws: Adoption laws are constantly being changed and it's important that we know what is going on! As voters, we need to make sure that we know who we are electing and what their stance is on important issues.

5. Be an Example: Your actions speak louder than words. Your attitude about your infertility, adoption, placing, etc will make all in difference in how others view adoption. No experience is perfect and adoption can be a roller coaster of ups and downs but how you handle that roller coaster makes all the difference.

Hopefully, this has given you some ideas of how you can help advocate for adoption in 2012! I hope this is a wonderful year for all of you!

Merry Christmas!

2011-12-18T15:55:00.000-07:00

This video of the Christmas story is darling. Merry Christmas, everyone!!!

Financial Aid for Adoptive Parents

2011-12-11T13:48:00.000-07:00

Have you wondered if there is financial aid when adopting? There are many different resources available and it's definitely worth looking into! Below is a list of possible resources.

Disclosure: I do not know how current or accurate this list is. LDS Family Services and FSA has no relationship with these organizations. We just provide this list as a resource for families. There are many more adoption financing resources.

Deseret First Credit Union

www.ldsfamilysrvices.org click on “FSA Member” , enter password: adoptabluv, click on the “Low Interest Adoption Loan” link on the left of the screen. You can also call 800-326-3328, Ext. 1552, 1556 or 1587. Low cost adoption services loan that offers affordable monthly payments.

The National Adoption Foundation

www.nafadopt.org, 100 Mill Plain Rd, Danbury, CT 06811, 203-791-3811. They provide grants, low interest loans and other programs to assist with adoption expenses.

The Gift of Adoption Fund

www.giftofadoption.org or info@giftofadoption.org , 101 E. Pier Street, 1st Floor, Port Washington, WI 53074, 877-905-2367. It is a public charity. The Fund provides financial assistance in the form of grants for adoptive parents.

Show Hope

www.showhope.org , P.O. Box 647, Franklin TN 37065, 615-550-5600. They award financial grants to qualifies families already in the process of domestic and international adoption. Grant applications must be submitted on-line.

A Child Waits Foundation

www.achildwaits.org ,1136 Barker Rd., #12 Pittsfield, PA 01201, 866-999-2445. Provides low interest loans to cover a portion of adoption fees.

North American Council on Adoptable Children

www.nacac.org , 800-470-6665. They provide adoption financial assistance information by state.

The Orphan Foundation

www.The OrphanFoundation.org 877-41-orphan. They provide grants of $1,000 for each child adopted, and $1,500 for each “special needs” adoption.

World Association for Children and Parents

www.wacap.org 206-575-4554. They have set up special funds and programs to help parents cover the costs of certain adoption.

1. African-American Infant Revolving Loan Fund

2. Promise Child Fund – children may be waiting because of age, medical conditions or part of a sibling group.

3. All Together Now Grants – For families who adopt a group of three or more siblings from Washington State Foster care.

HelpUsAdopt

www.helpusadopt.org A national non-profit financial assistance grant program.

The ABBA Fund

www.abbafund.org PO box 78800, Charlotte, NC 28271, Interest free loans for international or domestic adoption expenses for Christian families.

Brittany’s Hope Foundation

www.brittanyshope.org 1160 N. Market St., Elizabethtown PA 17022, 717-367-9614, Grants for adoption expenses for international waiting or special needs children.

God’s Grace Adoption Ministry, Inc

www.ggam.org or info@ggam.org , PO Box 4, Modesto, CA 95353, 209-572-4539. Seeks to help Christian families through grants and assistance with adoption fundraising.

Grant Me a Chance

www.grantmeachance.com , 1525 Cypress Rd., Suite H #113, Cedar Park, TX 78613. Grandt Given to families adoption siblings, older children, and special needs children.

Oxford Adoption Foundation, Inc.

www.oxfordadoption.com , 4309 Crayton Rd., Naples, FL 34103, 239-430-6240. Low interest loans for families adopting internationally.

Child Welfare Information Gateway

www.childwelfare.gov ,1250 Maryland Ave., SW. Eighth Floor, Washington, DC 20024 800-394-3366.

Site links to adoption financing information.

Caroline’s Promise

www.carolinespromise4u.org or info@carolinespromise4u.org, 1950 Beeson Rd., Kernersville NC 27284, 336-993-9046. Provides grants to Christian Couples living in North Carolina.

China Care Foundation

www.chinacare.org or info@chinacare.org, PO Box 607, Westport, CT 06881, 203-227-3655. They provide grants and/or low-interest loans for families who qualify by adopting special needs or older children.

Hadassah’s Hope

www.hadassahshope.org or customerservice@hadassahshope.org 20472 Crescent Bay, Suite 100, Lake Forest CA 92630. Strive to help families with the financial burdens of adopting internationally.

Hebrew Free Loan

www.hflasf.org or info@hflasf.org, 131 Stewart Street, Suite 425, San Francisco, CA 94105,

415-546-9902. Providing interest free loans for adopting families in Northern California.

I CARE Foundation

www.inticare.org or info@inticare.org , PO Box 19020, Baltimore MD 21284, 800-513-9896. Provides grants for international adoptions.

International Adoption Resources

www.theiar.org , 1080 Boranda Ave., Mountain View CA 94040, 650-969-1819.

International adoption grants.

Lifesong for Orphans

www.lifesongfororphans.org or info@lifesongfororphans.org , PO Box 40, 202 North Ford Street, Gridley, IL 61744, 309-747-3556. Christian organization provides matching grants and interest free ‘covenant’ loans to adopting families.

National Council for Adoption

www.adoptioncouncil.org , 888-628-7700. They have established an adoption loan program with Bank of America.

Northwest Airlines Special Delivery

www.nwa.com/features/adopt.shtml , Providing significant fare discounts for international adoptions.

Promise the Children

www.promisethechildren.orgptcstaff@swbell.net , 11939 Manchester Rd., Suite 136, St. Louis, MO 63131.

Sea of Faces Foundation

www.seaoffaces.org or director@seaoffaces.org , 6920-B Bradlick Shopping Center #200, Annandale, VA 22003. Christian families adopting from a developing country.

Adopting families should also consider:
Family Medical Leave Act (FMLA)

The federal FMLA and the California counterpart, the California Family Right Act of 1993 (CFRA) provide employees with the right to an unpaid leave of absence for up to 12 weeks with in a 12 month period, for family and medial responsibilities, FMLA can be taken in the event of an adoption. Employers who regularly employ 50 or more employees may be eligible. One must have been employed for a least 12 months and worked at least 1250 hours during those preceding 12 months.
Employee Benefits

A growing number of companies and government agencies including the military now offer adoption benefits. Employer provided adoption benefits may include financial reimbursement, paid and unpaid leave and resource and referral services. Contact your employer to verify adoption benefits. For information and advice on seeking adoption benefits call 877-777-4222 or visit http://www.adoptionfriendlyworkplace.org/.
The Adoption Tax Credit

The tax credit grants adoptive families an income tax break of $12,150 (for tax year 2009) for adoption expenses, and expenses incurred in domestic adoption of children with special needs. Adopting families should consult tax advice from a legal or tax professional to claim the Adoption Tax Credit. To learn more about tax benefits, please review the IRS publication “Instructions for Form 8839” available through the Internal Revenue Service at 800-829-3676 or www.irs.gov.
Banks & Credit Unions

Most banks and credits unions offer home equity loans or equity lines of credit with the interest qualifying for a tax deduction. Check with your financial institution concerning eligibility for loans and with your tax professional for the tax deduction.
Bank of America offers unsecured personal loans for a variety of purposes, including adoption. Bank of America may be contacted 888-457-2543 or http://www.bankofamerica.com/.

Beautiful Heartbreak

2011-12-04T13:45:00.002-07:00

You might have heard this song, I've seen it passed along on facebook a bit but hadn't had a chance to listen to it, and it was just as wonderful as everyone said it is.

I personally can't think of a more beautiful heartbreak than the road of infertility that leads to adoption. Heartbreak getting there? Yes, most definitely. But, I can't think of anything more beautiful than the joy of adoption.

Enjoy!

"It's About Love"

2011-11-27T20:35:00.000-07:00

Did you guys see this article in the church news? It was pretty great.

"It's About Love"

The grandfather sat in the shade on the shore of Jackson Lake in Grand Teton National Park just outside of Jackson, Wyo. The Teton Mountain Range loomed high in the background; its magnificence was reflected on the waters of the lake.
Visitors travel from across the globe to catch a glimpse of this very scene, but the grandfather didn't seem to notice it.
His focus was on the little girl standing at his side; he placed a beach towel over her shoulders, patted her on the back and sent her on her way. She ran down the beach — stopping briefly to grab a handful of Cheetos — and joined her cousins who were splashing in the water.
The little girl is the youngest of the grandfather's 18 grandchildren. In many ways she and her cousins are very much alike; they all love their annual family reunion in Wyoming, playing in the water, and, of course, Cheetos.
Still, the grandfather will never forget that a miraculous string of events brought his youngest grandchild — as well as two of her cousins — to his family.
The three were adopted; their stories are filled with beauty as grand as the Tetons rising above him.
And although different, the stories have common threads: a loving birth mother, adoptive parents who wanted and needed a child, a child deserving of both a mother and a father, and a Heavenly Father who provided a wonderful way for some of His children to build eternal families.
Their experiences can be summarized by a motto promoted in recent years by LDS Family Services: "Adoption: It's About Love."
This November, states, communities, public and private organizations, businesses and families across the United States celebrate National Adoption Month.
The Church joins the effort.
"We endorse [National Adoption Month] and express our support of unwed parents who place their children for adoption in stable homes with a mother and a father," wrote President Thomas S. Monson and his counselors, President Henry B. Eyring and President Dieter F. Uchtdorf in a statement.
"We also express our support of the married mothers and fathers who adopt these children.
"Children are entitled to the blessing of being reared in a stable family environment where father and mother honor marital vows. Having a secure, nurturing, and consistent relationship with both a father and a mother is essential to a child's well-being. When choosing adoption, unwed parents grant their children this most important blessing. Adoption is an unselfish, loving decision that blesses the child, birth parents, and adoptive parents in this life and throughout the eternities.
"We commend all those who strengthen children and families by promoting adoption" (Church News, Nov. 22, 2008).
Church leaders have long taught that children are entitled to be raised by parents who honor marital vows and who can provide love and support. "Adoption can be a great blessing for many children who are born without this opportunity," according to an official Church statement on the subject. "Adoption can also be a great blessing to couples who are unable to conceive their own children" (lds.org/study/topics/adoption)

One reason adoption is so important to Latter-day Saints is that temple-worthy adoptive parents can have their children sealed to them.
The sacred temple sealing ordinance promises children, born in the covenant or sealed to their parents, special blessings in this life and throughout the eternities. President Joseph Fielding Smith said those children "have claims upon the blessings of the gospel beyond what those not so born are entitled to receive. They may receive a greater guidance, a greater protection, a greater inspiration from the Spirit of the Lord; and then there is no power that can take them away from their parents" ("Why Adoption?" Ensign, January 2008).
The knowledge that three special grandchildren are sealed to their parents — and therefore have claim to promised blessings — is just one of the many things for which a loving grandfather is grateful.
Some of the others come from the everyday joys of family life: the sound of laughter; a Cheetos-stained smile; and a child wrapped tightly in a beach towel.
It's a scene that culminated years of hopes and prayers and miracles and that can be summarized with a simple motto: "Adoption: It's About Love."

Joseph the Guardian

2011-11-20T20:05:00.002-07:00

I stumbled upon this painting, Joseph the Guardian by Kendra Burton, this week. I was so touched by the story that goes along with it.

"Story behind Joseph the Guardian Painting...

For nearly 20 years I felt impressed that I should do a painting of Joseph, the Guardian of Jesus. I searched for someone to represent Joseph who would have a kind, tender, heartfelt expression, with the look of awe and wonder in his eyes. His hands needed to be strong, yet gentle and loving. When I finally found the right person, he was honored, saying that his own middle name was Joseph.

After completing the painting, I showed it to a friend who had adopted several children. One of her young sons had been teased at school about being adopted. She prayed for an answer that he could understand and accept. Being directed to the scriptures, she let them fall open. She began reading and realized it was the story about the birth of Christ. She gained new insight about Joseph caring for Jesus. It had never occurred to her until that moment that the Savior of the world, the greatest and most perfect of all, had an "adopted" father, Joseph. She told this to her son. He was happy and completely satisfied with the answer because it made him feel more like Jesus.

I believe that this painting is supposed to help people appreciate all of the wonderful, caring fathers in the world who are guardians of children who may not have been born as their own. It also symbolizes all fathers who care for their children, devoting time, talents, and love in making the world a better place for them and future generations.

My immediate and extended family members have adopted children with many different backgrounds including Romanian, Middle Eastern, Samoan, and African American. One cousin and her husband adopted a deaf, Hispanic boy when he was seven. As I have watched these adoptive fathers tenderly care for these little ones, my heart has been touched by their unselfish love and devotion to all of God's children. Joseph represents them.

Before I began painting, I talked to an author and expert on Hebrew studies. She said that holding the child on the knees was part of a traditional ceremony to accept and welcome a child into a family. She pointed out several significant aspects of the composition including the baby's hand encompassed by Joseph's right hand, being the hand of the covenant.

Following the lines of the heads to the wrist of Joseph's right hand, one can see, symbolically, the figure of a heart. There are also two main light sources. One is from the upper left, reaching from Father in Heaven, diagonally in the direction of Joseph's eyes to the eyes of the Christ Child. The other light source is radiating from the child, creating the shine in Joseph's eyes and the glow on his face.

While painting, I felt a particular closeness and direction from an uncle who had passed away a few years earlier. Then I realized that he, too, had adopted his eldest daughter after marrying her mother. He loved them both throughout his life and his guiding influence in the final stages of the painting witnessed his sweet devotion to them and the significant role he fulfilled in their lives.

I completed the painting one week before my nine year old, handicapped twin daughter passed away. I contemplated all of the many "Josephs", men and women, neighbors, teachers and friends, who were there watching out for her when she needed so much help. They truly gave unselfishly on behalf of our dear little child, representing the scripture that says, "...Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these...ye have done it unto me." Again, their love and kindness to her was symbolic of Joseph with Jesus.

One man stood before the painting and offered the most precious compliment. His son and daughter-in-law had a baby two days before he saw the painting. As tears filled his eyes, he said that the face of Joseph captured the tender feelings of love and awesome gratitude that he had seen in his son's eyes as he held their tiny new child in his arms.

I hope that as people see this work of art, that their hearts will be touched, that they will see what each of us can be as we follow Joseph's example in caring for all of God's children."

Isn't that so wonderful? I went out the next day and bought a print of it to give to my husband for Christmas.

You can find this painting and story here.

"A Birthmother's Perspective on Open Adoption"

2011-11-08T21:56:00.001-07:00

Below is a link to an article written by a birthmom about open adoption. She has some great suggestions for birthparents when thinking about adoption and I think they can be really applicable for adoptive parents too!

"November is National Adoption Month, and the November issue of the Adoption Advocate is written by birthmother Amy Hutton, who like so many birthparents made the loving but difficult decision to make an adoption plan because she believed it was in the best interest of her child. Amy shares her story of how and why she chose open adoption for herself and her daughter, and also offers a series of honest, thoughtful recommendations for all those who are considering making an adoption plan -- a great resource for sharing with prospective birthparents."

November is National Adoption Month, and the November issue of the Adoption Advocate is written by birthmother Amy Hutton, who like so many birthparents made the loving but difficult decision to make an adoption plan because she believed it was in the best interest of her child. Amy shares her story of how and why she chose open adoption for herself and her daughter, and also offers a series of honest, thoughtful recommendations for all those who are considering making an adoption plan -- a great resource for sharing with prospective birthparents.

Click here to read the full article.

Infertility: Help, Hope, and Healing

2011-10-30T21:51:00.001-06:00

"Just like Lehi’s Liahona, the Holy Spirit will lead us into the more fertile parts of our lives. These fertile parts of our personal wildernesses are not necessarily associated with bearing children. These fertile parts are where we are able to use our talents and abilities to make the world a better place, to expand our minds and to share our knowledge in positive ways, and where we righteously do those things that Heavenly Father needs us to do. These fertile parts are where we find satisfaction, joy, and peace as we use our God-given skills of nurturing, loving, leading, serving, and teaching." - Kerstin Daynes

FSA Chat Night

Thursday, November 10th, 2011 7:00 pm

Topic: Dealing with Infertility

3740 W. Market Center Drive (13200 S.)

Riverton, UT 84065

Come hear popular speaker Kerstin Daynes, author of Infertility: Help, Hope, and Healing. This is sure to be an inspiring evening!

After five years of tests, Kerstin Daynes had her worst fear confirmed: she was infertile. In this honest and reassuring handbook, Kerstin shares her own personal experiences facing infertility and offers insights that will help couples to heal emotionally, physically, spiritually, mentally, and socially. Using timeless concepts and introducing unique perspectives, Kerstin gently and empathetically walks the reader through this life-changing process as she shows couples how to make their lives productive while facing their situation.

Infertility: Help, Hope, and Healing gives couples a quick reference that can be used repeatedly as they experience the ups and downs of grieving. Even with physical infertility, life can still be fertile, fruitful, and filled with hope.

National Adoption Month

2011-10-27T20:32:00.000-06:00

Did you know that November is National Adoption Month?

One of my favorite activities is the National Adoption Walk. It's free and so fun to get out with a lot of other adoptive families. Remember to wear your orange!!! And, we'll see you there!

Tax Information

2011-10-26T15:51:00.001-06:00

As part of the Health Care Reform Act, the credit was continued and enhanced. For Tax Year 2010, it was increased to 13,170. For Tax Year 2011, it will be $13,370. It will be in the same range for 2012, depending on the rate of inflation.

For 2010 and 2011, the credit is refundable, meaning that it can be taken even if a taxpayer did not pay taxes in the amount of the credit. The taxpayer can receive a refund. For 2012, it is not refundable.

At this point, the enhanced tax credit does not exist beyond 2012. There is legislation to do so pending (although not moving real fast). If it is not extended, it will not disappear entirely, but will revert to $5,000 (any adoption) or $6,000 (special needs adoption).

Adoption: Facts and Myths

2011-10-23T15:49:00.000-06:00

I remember when we first started looking into adoption I thought I knew a lot but was surprised that I had wrong information about some things.

So, today, I'm going to do a little summary of two of the side article links... Adoption Fact Sheet and Adoption Myths.

I've picked my 5 favorites facts/myths that either were surprising to me or just seem like big ones that people tend to have a lot of misconception about.

1. Most birth mothers who place their babies for adoption are teenagers. MYTH. Actually, most birth mothers who choose adoption are in their early twenties, although women of all ages make this decision.
I have to admit, this is the one that I think I was the most naive about. Why do we stereotype birth mom's as being teenagers? The more you learn about how the brain develops, it actually makes a lot of sense that they are not always teenagers. Teenagers brains are still developing and they don't always have the same maturity which can make that decision even harder. This is definitely not to say that teenagers don't choose adoption, it's just not the biggest age range.
2. Interesting FACT: Children who were adopted as infants have better health, see mental health professionals less often, have fewer behavioral problems, and do better in school than children born outside of marriage and raised by the unmarried mother.

3. Along the same lines as number 2, Children who were adopted are more likely to have physical or emotional challenges. MYTH. It is impossible to predict how any child will turn out, whether biological or adopted. Generally, children who were adopted as infants are as emotionally healthy as children who were not adopted. Children who were adopted when older may have challenges resulting from adverse conditions in their early lives, such as neglect, abuse, or lack of attachment. These challenges do not result from the adoption itself.

4. An adoptive parent cannot love a child as much as a biological parent can. MYTH. MYTH. MYTH. Love is not based on biology. Many loving relationships are between individuals who are not related to each other, such as husbands and wives. The love of a parent comes from preparing for a child and selflessly nurturing and caring for that child. I have to add my own testimony that this is absolutely true.

5. After a child has been placed, a birth mother cannot have any contact with the child. MYTH. Adoption practices have changed over the years. Today most birth mothers have some contact with their biological children. Arrangements are agreed upon by the birth mother and the adoptive parents and are based upon the needs and desires of all concerned.

Adoption has been a wonderful blessing in my own life and I feel so so lucky to have my beautiful son, Noah, because of it. It is so important for us to educate the people around us about these myths. People tend to be very curious about adoption and I'm now asked a lot about some of these topics. It can be frustrating sometimes when people have miconstrued views but what better way to kill these myths than to educate people when the topics come up!

Reminder!

2011-10-20T12:50:00.000-06:00

Don't forget to register for the Boondocks activity! The deadline is October 24. Did you go last year? It was a little chaotic. Well, this is why they are doing registration this year, to help this stay an adoption activity and not just a free for all for the public. So, make sure to register and come! It's going to be so fun!

Did you know Steve Jobs was adopted?

2011-10-16T14:53:00.000-06:00

There have been a lot of articles written since Steve Jobs death about him being adopted. Here is one of my favorites that was written by Mona Charen.

"Amid the expressions of grief at the passing of one of America's greatest innovators -- Steve Jobs -- one offhand comment by someone on CNN was jarring. Describing his brilliance, his inventiveness, his business genius and his inspired leadership, one host added, "And his parents didn't want him! They gave him up for adoption, if you can believe that!"
It is one of the enduring misconceptions of modern life that birthparents who make adoption plans for their children "don't want them" and that this "rejection" scars the adoptee for life. Social science data refutes this. But even before considering the statistics about adoption, consider the absurdity of characterizing adoption this way in an age of widespread abortion. There are countless women who say, "I could never give up my baby for adoption" but who, strangely, see no impossibility in aborting their unborn babies.
But in contrast to the view so carelessly voiced by that news anchor, placing a child up for adoption is one of the most loving and unselfish acts imaginable. Consider 23-year-old Joanne Schieble, a graduate student at the University of Wisconsin who became pregnant in 1954. She and the baby's father, a Syrian immigrant named Abdulfattah "John" Jandali were not married. (They married and divorced later.) Abortion was illegal in most states at the time, though plenty of exceptions were made, and many women got abortions. But Schieble chose to proceed with the pregnancy and give her son life. Our world would be so much diminished if she had not.
According to Jobs' recollection later, his mother had wanted to ensure that college graduates would raise him, and she had lined up a couple who met that specification. But at the last minute, the college graduate couple decided that they wanted a girl. And so Schieble agreed that Paul and Clara Jobs, a lower middle-class couple (Paul, a machinist, had not even finished high school) could raise her son on the condition that they would send him to college when the time came.
But, as the saying goes, "Man plans; God laughs." Though Mr. and Mrs. Jobs were willing to spend their entire life savings to send their son to college, he dropped out after a few months.
Jobs eventually made contact with his birth mother and his sister, the novelist Mona Simpson. But he was never in doubt about his parentage. "They were my parents," he said of Paul and Clara Jobs.
In this, he was like other adopted children, happy and well grounded in his family. When the Search Institute studied adopted adolescents in the 1990s, they found that adopted teens actually scored better than their non-adopted siblings and their peers on a variety of measures including: "connectedness -- having three or more friends and having access to two or more nonparent adults for advice; caring -- placing a high value on helping other people; and social competency -- friendship-making and assertiveness skills."
Confounding the stereotype of the tortured adoptee, the study also found that adopted teenagers were more likely than other teens to do well in school, to express optimism about their futures and to report high levels of support from parents and schools. A U.S. Health and Human Services Department study in 2007 found that adopted children tend to be happy and healthy, and 85 percent of adoptive parents describe their relationships with their children as "warm and close." Adoptees do have higher rates of ADHD and special health care needs, which is not surprising since many come from the foster care system.
The son of Paul and Clara Jobs affected all of our lives. But Steve Jobs himself, like every other child who has been placed in a loving home rather than aborted, would probably not have said that the Macintosh, the iPod, the iPhone, Pixar and the iPad are the reasons he shouldn't have ended his life before birth. He'd probably say it was because he got to grow up, to love and be loved, to see the beauty of this world, to have children of his own and to enjoy (if tragically, not for a full, long life) the wonders of being alive."

Click here for a direct link to the article.

Boondocks Profile Adoption Party

2011-10-05T13:36:00.000-06:00

Please join

The Adoption Exchange

for a

Profile Adoption Party

Saturday, November 5, 2011

9:30 - 11:00 a.m.

At Boondooks Fun Center

75 South Fork Drive

Draper, Utah

There is no cost for the profile party but if you would like to stay for the public celebration that begins at 11:00 adults 18 yrs and over are $5.00. Children are $3.00.

Profiles and photos of waiting children in Utah will be available. Staff from both Utah’s Division of Child and Family Services as well as The Adoption Exchange will be available to answer questions.

The profile party will be followed at 11:00 with our Adoption Day Celebration co-hosted by Utah Adoption Council, The Adoption Exchange, Wendy’s and Boondocks Fun Center.

Enjoy unlimited miniature golf 10 arcade tokens and 1 pass valid to choose from the following attractions Go Karts, Slick Track, Rookie Go-Karts, Rock Wall, Laser Tag or Maxflight Roller Coaster Simulator.

Registration deadline for both parties is October 24th.

Two separate registrations are required if you plan to attend both parties.

There will be no at the door registration. Pre-registration is required.

Why Holly Loves FSA and Meeting Thursday

2011-10-04T12:35:00.001-06:00

Reminder...our October FSA meeting is this Thursday, October 6 at 7:30 pm at the Sandy LDS Family Services office. Let me know if you have any questions or want more info!

And, here is why Holly, loves being part of FSA!

"This is such a great opportunity for me to reflect on how FSA has been a part of my life and influenced it for the best. When my husband and I first knew that we were being led down the path of adoption, I was a little scared, had a lot of questions, and so thought of so many unknowns. The first FSA event I participated in was the National Conference in Layton. WOW! That was such an educational experience to learning about adoption. As I heard birth mothers and adoptive parents tell their stories, my heart was filled with love for all who are involved in adoption. My daughter was born less than a month later and I’m so grateful I had that chance to have a broader perspective on adoption, especially open adoption.

I am currently involved as the outreach chair for FSA in Sandy and this past year, I was responsible for scheduling school presentations. A panel of people (a caseworker, adoptive parent, and a birth parent) educate high school and junior high students about what adoption is like now. This has been such a great experience! I love to hear about other adoption stories from different perspectives. And it is neat to be in the classroom with students who didn’t know adoption can be open and let them hear all sides. I feel as I educate this age group, I am in a small way, doing something to help adoption continue, change the way people look at adoption, and show how much adoption has blessed my family!

I love that I am able to associate with great people through FSA! I love being able to ask questions and talk to other families who are going through similar things. I love getting ideas and perspectives from other adoptive moms. The group name says it all: Families Supporting Adoption!"

Holly

Reminder: Foster and Adoptive Family Forum

2011-09-27T13:00:00.001-06:00

Reminder!

The Riverton LDS Family Services Office will be holding a Foster & and Adoptive Family Forum on September 29 at 7:00pm.

If you are interested in finding out more about foster care adoptions this would be great to attend!

Riverton LDS Family Services

3740 West Market Center

(13200 South)

Riverton, Utah

Looking for a Family for a Special Needs Baby

2011-09-26T20:47:00.000-06:00

I just wanted to pass this information along in case you, or someone you know, is interested...

"A manager from a local adoption agency, Boys and Girls Aid Society, is looking to recruit a family for a baby with Spina Bifida, due to be born in mid-November. The neural tube opening is in the thoracic area of the spine, so paralysis is likely. Impairment of cognitive functioning is unknown at this time but is possible. This family should expect to work directly with Boys and Girls Aid directly. If you have any families interested, they can contact me directly by email at DainesJW@ldsfamilyservices.org and I will forward them on to my contact. Thanks."

Joseph W. Daines

Children's Services Manager

LDS Family Services

7080 SW Fir Loop, Suite 100

Tigard, OR 97223

503-620-1191

Story of a Birthmom: Andee, The Conclusion

2011-09-21T20:56:00.000-06:00

If you have missed the rest of Andee's story, here is Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3.

"On October 26th, I am pretty sure I cried all day long. I wanted to have this baby more than anything.

Why wasn't she coming?

Why was she taking so long?

That night, while I was laying next to my mom and complaining, (this had been a regular occurrence lately) She got up and said "I'm hungry. Let's go to Mcdonalds" I looked at her, confused. "Okay..."

she then told me to put on some tennis shoes because we were walking there.

Normally I would have been against this little idea, but I knew that it would have to do SOMETHING for me to walk that far. It was at least 3 miles away.

We walked all the way, my mom was so patient with me. I complained about my situation the whole way there and cried. She simply just listened and talked to me about it.

That day, I came to the conclusion that my mom is truly my best friend. No one else would have put up with me like she was.

When we got to McDonalds I had blisters on my feet. My mom called my dad and had him pick us up so that we didn't have to have to walk all the way home.

The next day, Dustin Andrea and I decided to meet for dinner and then go to my house afterwards to play games. We did this every week. For dinner, we decided to go to the little Chinese restaurant by my house.

While we were eating I had my first real contraction.

I wasn't sure if I should get excited or not because I had been getting contractions for weeks and nothing was happening.

On the way back to my house I had another one. These contractions were all a lot more intense. When we arrived at my house, we started setting up the game. This was when I started having them close to 5 minutes apart.

My mom kept saying that I was faking it. I began trying to convince her that I really was having them. "you told me earlier today that you were going to fake it." she said.

That was true. But I wasn't faking it.

My Dad on the other hand said he believed I was going to have her by the next day. My mom decided that we would go for a walk in the park, and if I was still having them we would go to the hospital.

Dustin and Andrea pulled out their camera and started taking pictures. They didn't want to miss anything if this was for real.

We walked to the park and back. Sure enough, I was still having them. The feeling that surrounded us was so intense. You could feel every one's excitement, and anxiety.

When we finally decided to go to the hospital, Dustin and Andrea followed behind us all the way there. At one point they called and asked if we thought this was really it.

When we arrived, the nurse checked me and announced that I was dilated to a 1 and 70% effaced. I was SO HAPPY. Even though it was only a 1, at least it was something! She then proceeded to tell me that if it's not a three, they have to get permission from the Doctor to keep me there.

We were so anxious. I was praying that they would admit me. It was 11:00 pm, so they had to ask the doctor working the graves that night.

When he finally came in,
he said that because I hadn't been thinned at all at my last appointment,

he would admit me and start me on medicine to speed up the process.

I looked over at Dustin and Andrea. I couldn't help but feel excited for them. They were grinning. I couldn't believe that it was finally here!

The Doctor proceeded to tell Dustin and Andrea that it would be a while until I had the baby, and recommended that they go home and get a good nights rest, because it would probably be their last. They gave me a hug, wished me luck, and left.

That night was painful. The medicine they gave me was definitely making my contractions extremely painful. I couldn't sleep. My mom was there with me sleeping on the little bench by the window. I tried really hard to be quiet because I knew that she needed her sleep, but I was in pain. I cried a lot. I wanted the epidural, but every time the nurse would come in and check me, she would say that nothing had changed. I had to be dilated to a 3 in order to receive an epidural.

at around 7 am, they checked me again and told me that I was dilated to a 3 and that my doctor would be there in an hour. what?? no I wanted the epidural NOW.

They explained that before I received my epidural, my Dr. had to check me and approve.

It was the longest hour of my life.

Once he came he checked me, and confirmed that I could proceed with the epidural. Within minutes the anesthesiologist was in my room.

The second the pain was gone, I wanted to hug him.

I thanked him, and fell right to sleep.

I was in and out of consciousness the whole day. I was so tired, but Dustin and Andrea were there, and so was my family. I didn't want to just sleep. At 2 pm, the nurse came in and checked me. She told me that I was dilated to a 9!

yay!

I was so excited!

She then checked to make sure Avery was facing the right direction.

She wasn't. She was facing up instead of down.

The nurse got my doctor and for the next few hours they worked on turning her around. They thought they had gotten her turned, and by about 5:00, the doctor came in and she had flipped back around completely. Finally he just turned her really quickly, and then left to go help perform a c-section.

About a minute later, he came running back into my room and said "Her heart rate is dropping, it's baby time."

I wanted Dustin and Andrea there to see their daughter born. They stood up by my head and watched as Avery was born. It was the most spiritual experience I have ever had in my life.

It all happened so fast.

I remember looking over at Dustin and Andrea as they walked in. Within minutes Dr. Terry held up a beautiful baby girl, and she started crying.

Avery Leigh.

born at 5:17 pm, on October 28th 2008.

I sat in awe and stared at her. She had ten fingers. Ten toes. She had 2 arms and 2 legs. What a miracle she was.

They then laid Avery on my chest. I held on to her. I couldn't stop crying, or staring at her. Dustin and Andrea cut the chord and the nurse wrapped her in a blanket. I immediately pulled her to my chest. I couldn't stop staring at her. Her beautiful eyes.

I didn't ever want let her go.

I looked up for the first time since she was born. Dustin and Andrea were standing there with tear stained faces just staring at her. I looked at my mom. She was crying.

I asked Andrea if she wanted to hold her. "no, you can hold her." she said. I could tell she was just aching to hold her daughter. I looked down at my beautiful Angel again, and then gave her to Andrea. "You can hold her."

Watching Andrea gently take her from my arms and hold her for the first time was amazing. I will forever remember that moment. She was so in love with this little Angel. This was her daughter.

Andrea and Avery both just stared at each other the whole time. The spirit was so strong. We all just sat and watched this tender moment.

The next person to hold her was Dustin. If anyone has ever seen a new father hold his little girl for the very first time, you can comprehend maybe a little as to how touching this was. What an amazing father Dustin was. They stared into each others eyes forever. Avery knew this was her dad.

They placed her back in my arms after this, and I just stared at her again. She was beautiful.

The next day, exactly 24 hours after Avery was born, I signed relinquishment papers. Normally you do this when you are placing her, but because of issues with the birth father, I didn't want to risk anything. I signed them as soon as possible.

This was the hard part. Listening to every word they would read, and signing all of those papers killed me. I held Avery in my arms while I did this. I never wanted to let her go. They read every word out loud. They said things like,

"After signing these papers you will no longer have any rights to this child."

and

"Signing these papers indicate that you will no longer be her mother."

and

"This takes every right you have to this baby away"

and

"All your rights will be terminated. Relinquished."

It was like they were looking for every word they could possibly think of that would rip my heart out. It killed me. At the very end, they asked me to explain why I was doing this. are you serious? I thought. "Is that really necessary?" my dad asked. They explained that it was because I had to show that I was not being coerced into doing this.

I was crying, bawling. I could hardly talk and they wanted me to explain to them why I was doing this!? All I could say was, "Because I love her. and I want her to have a mom and a dad that love each other." I hugged her tighter.

Once that was over I took a deep breath. Considering the situation, I could not believe how calm I felt. I knew what I was doing, but it was okay. I knew without a doubt that this was the right thing. I didn't have any second thoughts. Not at all. I couldn't believe it.

The next day I had all to myself. I asked that I have no visitors. I wanted to spend time with her. Just me and Avery. I wanted to hold her and be her mom for one day. I can honestly tell you that I hardly slept the entire time I was at the hospital. I probably had about 3 hours of sleep all together. I didn't WANT to sleep.

I wanted to look at her.

Play with her.

Sing to her.

Hug her.

Hold her.

Feed her.

I didn't have time to sleep. I could hardly tell that I was even tired.

On October 30th, 2008 at 5:00 pm Dustin and Andrea Arrived to pick up their baby girl.

I felt at peace with all of it. I was so calm. There were tears, throughout my entire hospital stay, yes. But when it came the time for me to give her to them, I was okay. I was at peace. The spirit was strong. I felt Angels surrounding all of us.

Watching her mom and dad hold her the day we left was even more comforting.

They loved her so much. I Knew she was in the best hands, and would be loved unconditionally, just like I had hoped for.

About an hour after they arrived, I gave Avery another big kiss and huge hug, and placed her in Andrea's arms.

Andrea put her in her car seat. I stood up gave both her a Dustin a huge long hug, and sat in the wheelchair outside my door.

On the car ride home, I cried. I cried for days. But I never second guessed my decision. From the moment I met Dustin and Andrea I knew she was theirs. From the moment she was born, I knew she was theirs. I love Avery more than I thought I could ever love someone. She is my little Angel. She has truly changed my life for the better.

These things that have happened to me are pieces of me. They have made me who I am today.

I am truly blessed to have met such amazing people. I am so happy to have found the perfect couple for Avery. I am so happy that through adoption, I have a relationship that will last forever.

Dustin and Andrea are not just friends. They are like family.

I am so grateful to them for being so willing to have an open adoption with me.

It's so wonderful to always know how Avery is doing. It's so great that I can watch her grow up. She is truly my Angel sent from heaven, and the most loved and spoiled little girl I know."

To find out more about Andee, go read her blog here. You will love to find out that since this story, she has married a wonderful man and they just recently had a baby girl!

Thank you so much, Andee, for letting us share your story!!!!

Reminder! FHE Activity Tonight!

2011-09-19T06:00:00.001-06:00

Monday, September 19

6:00-7:30 p.m.

FSA Family Home Evening Activity

at High Point Park in Sandy (7800 South 1000 East)

A pizza dinner will be served! Please bring a FHE treat to share!

We are collecting playground equipment for East Midvale Elementary School and for those who would like to participate, a special birth parent thank you project.

Please see the attached flyer for more details.

We hope to see you there!

We need to know how much pizza to buy so

Please email jeanneprestwich@gmail.com by Friday, Sept. 16 and let us know how many people are coming from your family.

Adopted

2011-09-11T14:07:00.000-06:00

As Noah gets older, I often think about the different ways I will talk to him about adoption and how he will explain adoption to his little friends that don't understand. This article titled "Adopted" was published in The Friend Magazine in 1991 and although we are now more familiar with better adoption language, it was a good read in terms as seeing adoption through a child's eyes. Click here for the article.

Upcoming Foster & Adoptive Family Forum

2011-09-06T22:12:00.001-06:00

The Riverton LDS Family Services Office will be holding a Foster & and Adoptive Family Forum on September 29 at 7:00pm.

If you are interested in finding out more about foster care adoptions this would be great to attend!

Riverton LDS Family Services

3740 West Market Center

(13200 South)

Riverton, Utah

Story of a Birthmom: Andee, Part 3

2011-09-04T13:15:00.001-06:00

That night, I received an email from them. I was so excited and immediately emailed them back. I asked them if they wanted to go to Dinner that weekend, and that I wanted to bring my parents so that they could meet them. Sure enough we set up a day and time and we met at Olive Garden. The meeting went well and we talked non-stop the entire time. They gave me their phone numbers as we were leaving, and Dustin texted me while we were on our way home.

"I just wanted to let you know that I always told Andrea that when she got pregnant, I would get her anything she was craving at any time of night. The same goes for you."

I laughed, and thanked him.
These really were some AMAZING people.

A couple of days later, I asked them if they wanted to come to the Doctor Appointments with me. I wanted it to seem like Andrea was the one pregnant. I wanted her to experience the pregnancy with me. It made things easier for me. It helped me feel that she would bond with the baby as much as me. It made it easier for me to call her the mom and not me. So they did. I was only 14 weeks along when we met, so they only missed the very first appointment. When we got to the hospital, and went back into our room, our nurse told me that we were going to hear the heartbeat. I was So excited. When the doctor came in and put the monitor on my stomach, it became silent.

He moved it around for a while and we kept hearing little thuds. "Do you hear that?" said Dr. Terry. "That is the baby kicking." I was speechless. This was so wierd! he moved it around a little more and stopped. "There's the heartbeat" he said.

Andrea and I both looked at eachother and smiled. W O W.

we listened for about 15 seconds, and the doctor started talking again. "Well, from the sound of the heartbeat, I predict it's a girl!" I laughed. "How often are you right?" He looked at me and smiled. "About 50% of the time".

A week later, we decided to go to Fetal Foto to find out the sex of the baby. They said that they could find out as early as 15 weeks, so we went as early as possible. That's the most exciting part of a pregnancy! My mom came with me to this, as well as Dustin & Andrea (of course). When the Ultrasonographer put the camera on my stomach, and I saw the profile on the screen in front of me, I stared in shock. Up on that screen was a baby. a baby! It had not actually hit me that I was having a baby until that moment.

First Ultrasound

As she went on to look at the profile of the baby, my throat became really tight. I could not believe that there was a little child inside of me. I looked at Dustin and Andrea, and their eyes were fixed on the screen. They were seeing their baby for the very first time. All of the sudden the Ultrasonographer said

"okay it looks like you're having a little girl."

My head spun around to look at her. "what?" I asked. "look" She said, pointing at the screen. I looked back at Dustin and Andrea and they were grinning. I was so happy for them, but at the same time I ached. I LOVED girls. I wanted this baby! I felt a stabbing pain in my chest. I wanted her. I smiled at them. It took everything in me to hold back tears throughout the rest of the ultrasound. I looked at my mom and she was looking at the screen. I couldn't read her expression but I knew she was feeling the pain as well. I looked back at Dustin and Andrea and they were staring at me. I smiled at them again and then quickly looked back at the screen to hide the tears in my eyes.

When we were done, we went back to the waiting room while they created the video and printed off the pictures. I sat on the couch. Andrea sat next to me on one side and my mom on the other. "how are you doing?" my mom asked. That was it. I couldn't hold it in anymore. "This sucks." I said as I burst into tears. Andrea began to cry as well and put her arm around me.
She hugged me.

I couldn't stop crying. I tried as hard as I could to stop. I didn't want them to worry about me. They were supposed to be enjoying the moment. They had just found out they were having a girl. I didn't want to ruin the moment.

"I hope she looks just like you" said Dustin.

I looked at him and smiled. "thanks." I said. Here they were trying to make me feel better. They didn't have to do this. I wished I could stop. I didn't want to make them feel like they couldn't be excited. They needed to be excited.

When they finally brought the pictures and video out, we walked out the door. Andrea hugged me again and we stood there for a while. I was crying. She was crying. These people were amazing.

When I got in the car I looked at my mom. I knew she was trying to be strong for me. We both began to cry and gave eachother a hug. My mom is a strong person.
As the weeks went by, we saw each other more and more.

I worked at eBay, and after about a month, Dustin and Andrea started bringing me dinner. They did this almost every night. We talked about everything during these dinner breaks, and learned so many things about each other. These were amazing people.
(did I mention that these are AMAZING people?)

One day I was sitting at work and texting them. I was talking to Dustin and I asked him if they had decided on what they were going to name the baby yet. When he texted me back I was not expecting the tears that came after I read it. He told me that they had decided on the name Avery Leigh.

Leigh is my middle name.

He said that they wanted to give meaning to her name, and they wanted her to remember her birth mom. I didn't know what to say. All I could do was thank both of them through text, and cry.

The months went on, and by the time I was 9 months along I was ready to have the baby. I was getting so anxious, and felt as ready as I would ever be. My due date was October 25th. I got to my weekly checkups, and everytime I would leave in a bad mood. Every appointment they would tell me that nothing was happening. I hadn't even started thinning.

Let's just say, the people that I came in contact with the last few weeks of my pregnancy... I owe each and every one of them an apology.

I was in a bad mood everyday.

I didn't know why this baby wasn't coming. I was an emotional wreck.

I felt fat,
I wasn't dilated or even THINNED,
every doctors appointment was bad news,
I was WAITING to go through something I was not looking forward too when I would rather get it over and done with,
and
on top of all that
my best friend had just died.

I felt like It would be easier to cope if I could deal with all of it at once; especially when I knew I was going to have to soon.

October 25th came and nothing.

was I ever going to have this baby?

For Sandy Residents

2011-09-02T13:04:00.001-06:00

The Sandy Fire Department wants to make sure every home in Sandy has a working smoke detector and carbon monoxide detector. If you can’t afford a smoke detector or a carbon monoxide detector, you can get one from the Sandy Fire Department. You can pick up a detector by coming to Fire Station 31, located at 9010 South 150 East, from 8 a.m. to 5 p.m., Monday through Friday.
If you already have a smoke or carbon monoxide detector but aren’t sure if it is working, the Sandy Fire Personnel would be happy to come to your home and make sure your detectors are working as designed. For more information on having a detector inspected or installed, call the Sandy Fire Department at 801-568-2930.

A Greater Love

2011-08-31T12:51:00.000-06:00

As you know, this blog was started long before I started writing for it. You may have noticed that there are many links to websites and articles along the side of the blog and I haven't read any of them. So, I thought I would start reading them and giving you a little highlight so you can go read the ones that you are most interested in. So, starting at the top of the list... A Greater Love.

I LOVED this article! It is written by an adult adoptee. She tells the story of her childhood and about meeting her birthmom.

"Karen (birthmom) called me as promised. We spent what seemed like an eternity on the phone together. Like her parents, she wanted to know all about me, my family, and the life I had led. She was thrilled to know that I was active in the Church, had served a full-time mission, and had been married in the temple just that year. She shared with me how difficult it had been to place me for adoption and the struggles and uncertainties she had experienced since that day, wondering if she had made the right choice. She wanted to emphasize that she did not let me go because she didn’t want me or love me. She had felt strongly that I was meant to be someone else’s baby.
At that point, I did what I had always promised myself I would do if I were ever given the opportunity. I thanked her from the bottom of my heart for the decision she had made and for giving me a loving, active Latter-day Saint family. I told her that, through her sacrifice, she had allowed me to have everything I valued in my life.
Karen did not respond. At first, I was uncertain if I had said something wrong. Then I realized she was sobbing. It took a few minutes, but she was then able to share with me a special experience. In the years since my birth, she had often felt worried and anxious about me and would sometimes get depressed. During one of these periods she received a blessing of comfort from a family friend. He said many things in the blessing, but one promise stood out. She was told that at some future time, either in this life or in the life to come, we would meet again and I would thank her for the choice and sacrifice she had made. Our conversation that night was a direct fulfillment of that promise."

To read the entire article, click here.

Reminder: Save the Date for the Upcoming FSA Activity

2011-08-30T13:17:00.000-06:00

Our FSA Family Home Evening Activity will take place of this month's FSA board meeting. Below are the details for this fun activity that you won't want to miss!!!

Mark Your Calendar for:

Monday, September 19

6:00-7:30 p.m.

FSA Family Home Evening Activity

at High Point Park in Sandy (7800 South 1000 East)

A pizza dinner will be served! Please bring a FHE treat to share!

We are collecting playground equipment for East Midvale Elementary School and for those who would like to participate, a special birth parent thank you project.

Please see the attached flyer for more details.

We hope to see you there!

PLEASE RSVP to jeanneprestwich@gmail.com by Friday, Sept. 16

And I'm a Mormon

2011-08-29T12:42:00.000-06:00

I have to apologize for being such a bad blogger lately. I've been out of town and just trying to get caught up with life. But, hopefully, I'll be back on track now!

My wonderful friend forwarded me this you tube video and I thought I'd share. Enjoy!

Story of a Birthmom: Andee Part 2

2011-08-19T14:46:00.001-06:00

The next few days, I had a hard time getting up in the mornings. I had to force myself to go to work everyday. I just wanted to stay in bed. I was so depressed. Everyday my mom would tell me that I needed to start looking at profiles. She kept saying

"the sooner the better. The sooner you find someone, the easier things will be."

Every time she would say that I would think "yeah right! once I find someone, it will mean that I really am placing this baby. it will be even worse." I cried myself to sleep every night, and every night my mom would come lay next to me, talk to me about my situation and tell me that I would feel better after finding the adoptive couple.

A couple days after I called off the wedding, we met with LDSFS to start the adoption process. My case worker asked me to write a list of the kind of family I wanted my baby to go to. I remember writing a huge long list. I wrote in many different ways that I wanted them to be in love.

I wanted my baby to be loved unconditionally.

I wanted the adoptive couple to love each other unconditionally.

My mom kept telling me that I needed to be realistic, and that what I was writing was not realistic, because I wrote a lot of really picky things. But I knew what I wanted, and they were out there. It was just hard to put it in words on paper.

After meeting with my case worker, I finally decided that I needed to start searching for the perfect couple. I got on itsaboutlove.org and started looking through the thousands of families looking to adopt. for the first couple of days, I wrote down every couple that I liked and that impressed me. I probably had at least 50 written down. About three days later, I decided I needed to start narrowing it down. This took hours to do, but I finally narrowed it down to my top five favorite. These 5 couples were all amazing and their profiles really impressed me.

After that I set the list aside, and didn't look at it for a couple of days.

About 2 days after I wrote my list, my mom received a phone call from one of her close friends sisters, Lisa. Lisa told her that she knew a couple that was trying to adopt and that she felt impressed to tell us. My mom received calls like this every day, so she didn't think much of it. But when Lisa told her that I could look up their profile on itsaboutlove.org, and that their names were Dustin & Andrea, it caught her attention.

My mom had heard their names before. After getting off of the phone with Lisa, she went to look at my list. Dustin & Andrea were my number 2. My mom couldn't believe it.

When I arrived home from work that day my mom told me the story. The second she said Dustin & Andrea I became excited. I knew I liked them.

The next day I met with Melissa and brought my list with me. I told her that I wanted to set up an appointment to meet with both Dustin & Andrea and my #1 couple. She agreed and told me she would call me when she had a date and time set up.

The next day Melissa called me and explained that she had gotten ahold of Dustin & Andrea immediately and that I was to meet with them Tuesday April 15th, at 6:00 pm. She then went on to tell me that she could not get ahold of the first couple, but that she would try again after I met with Dustin & Andrea.

I agreed and was really excited, yet really scared to meet them. I arrived at the agency at 5:30 to meet with Melissa first. She asked me if I had come up with any questions I was going to ask them. I had thought about it, but I mostly just wanted to get to know them. I wanted to know about them.

At 6:00 Dustin & Andrea's case worker Pam, walked in and said they were there. I felt this overwhelming feeling of comfort. My whole body relaxed as I walked into the room we were going to meet in and sat down on the couch.

About a minute later I saw a beautiful girl walk past the room. I stared at the door. I knew that was her. Sure enough she turned around and walked into the room. She was holding a bouquet of flowers and had the sweetest smile on her face I had ever seen.

The second she stepped into the room I felt the spirit overcome me. I stood up and hugged her. "Hi, I'm Andrea." she said.

It's hard to put in words the way I felt after that. I knew her from somewhere. I felt like we had been lifelong friends.

I knew her.

She gave me the flowers and sat down on the couch next to mine. Just seconds after that Dustin walked in. I knew I had seen him before as well. He gave me a hug, said "Hi I'm Dustin" and sat on the couch next to Andrea. I stared at both of them in amazement.

This was the couple I had been searching for.

The conversation began flowing, and continued to the entire time. We talked , laughed and shared interests. They told me everything I wanted to know about them, not only by words but by the way they presented themselves. You could tell they were absolutely amazing people by just looking at them. I could tell they were truly in love; Best friends.

When what seemed like minutes, an hour had gone by. Our caseworkers told us it was time to wrap things up. Melissa asked Dustin and Andrea to write their email address down in case I had anymore questions and that we would let them know when I made my decision.

Once she said that I realized that no one knew I had already made my decision. The moment they walked into the room I had made my decision.

There is nothing I can say that could describe the overwhelming feeling I felt. There are not words that will emphasize how much I knew this couple was my babys parents.

I just knew.

I looked at Meilssa, then back at Dustin and Andrea. Andrea was writing their email address on a piece of paper. "Actually." I said "I already made my decision." Andrea looked up from writing and sat back. Dustin looked at her and then they both looked back at me. "can I tell you my decision now?" I asked Melissa "oh yeah of course." she said

I didn't know how to say it. Dustin and Andrea were just staring at me. I couldn't read the emotion in either of their faces. "I want you guys to be the parents." I said as tears filled my eyes. It was all I could get out.

Andrea covered her mouth with her hands and started crying. Dustin just stared at me I could now see emotion in his face.

I couldn't stop staring at either of them. I was looking at the parents of my child. I don't remember what was said after that. all I remember was there was whole lot of hugging and many tears. Happy tears.

(to be continued in part 3)

Frosty Key Tags

2011-08-17T14:50:00.000-06:00

Did you know that you can pick up one of these Frosty Key Tags at your local participating Wendy's for $1 and each time you go to Wendy's through the end of the year, you will get a free Jr. Frosty! And, the best part is the proceeds go towards adoption. I just picked mine up and can't wait to start using it. Click here for more information on how the Dave Thomas Foundation helps with adoption.

Save the Date!

2011-08-15T13:06:00.000-06:00

Make sure to reserve September 19 at 6:00pm on your calendar! We will be having a fun Families Supporting Adoption Family Home Evening for anyone that would like to attend. It's a great opportunity to come get to know other couples that are hoping to adopt and families that have adopted! We'll provide pizza and we'll be working on a special birth parent tribute for anyone that would like to participate. More information coming soon!

Story of a Birthmom: Andee Part 1

2011-08-11T14:51:00.002-06:00

Andee is an awesome birthmom who placed a beautiful baby girl for adoption. Here's her story...

It was valentines day.

(I bought a box of pregnancy tests earlier that week because, after the terrible day we made the mistake, I had been paranoid about being pregnant. which is wierd since we only messed up once. once.)

While I was getting ready I was thinking about the pregnancy tests. At this point I had taken one and it had come back negative, so I was sure I wasn't but I wanted to be absolutely positive. I grabbed one of them, looked at Kris and told him I was going to take it just to stop me from stressing out so much.

I took the test, and about 3 minutes later looked at it and I only saw one line.

I walked out, told Kris it was negative, and proceeded to get ready.

I don't know why, but I didn't throw the test away. So when I went back into my room to change my clothes, I glanced back down at the pregnancy test.

next to the 1st line was a really light pink line. I had to double take at first and when I saw the line I yelled for Kris to come look.

"does that look like another line to you?" I asked him. I was starting to panic.

His eyes got really big and he looked at me. "go take the other one." he said. I ran to the kitchen, drank a huge glass of water, and within 15 minutes I was able to take the other test.

It felt like centuries to get the results from this test.

Sure enough, there was a light pink line next to the first again.

"these lines are too light" I told him "this isn't good enough. maybe the test is just broken"

Our Dinner reservations were in a half hour. "let's just go to dinner." he said. "we'll buy another test afterwards." I agreed but wasn't sure how I was going to make it through all of dinner.

I can honestly say that I don't remember what I ate, or even what the restauraunt looked like. I was too stressed out. I was on the verge of tears the entire time. Buying another test was the only thing on my mind, and it wouldn't subside.

When dinner was finally over, I pretty much ran to the car. We drove straight to Albertsons, and bought a different brand of pregnancy tests this time. This box had two in it.

I ran to the bathroom, and took another test.

I waited for what seemed like an eternity, and looked at it.

the + sign was really really light again.

This was not good enough. Unless the line was dark, I wasn't going to believe the stupid thing.

"Just wait until tomorrow Andee. It might just be too soon to tell." said Kris. "fine." I said. "but I'm buying this one too." I grabbed the test that actually says "pregnant" or "not pregnant" digitally. That way I wouldn't have to play games with the tests anymore.

Kris brought me back to my apartment, I said bye to him and went straight to bed. I couldn't sleep that night, and the few hours of sleep I did get, I had a dream that my dad found out. In my dream my sister told him, and he stormed out of the house and never talked to me again.

that definitely did not help my situation. I was already scared enough.

When I woke up, I immediately took the last test from the + or - box.

the + sign was darker than the 3 previous tests, but not dark enough for me.

I left for class and hardly made it through my first one. I was not going to go through the rest of my classes like this. I skipped my others, and went home. I was taking this last one and it was digital so I would know for sure. It was the moment of truth.

I got home, grabbed the test and headed straight for the bathroom. After taking it I sat there staring at the hourglass on the test. please be negative. I thought. PLEASE.

I put my face in my hands and said a quick prayer.

this can't be positive.

When I looked down, my stomach twisted and I felt as if I was going to throw up. My eyes became blurry with tears as I read the word "pregnant" on the test.

this cannot be happening to me!! no!

I began sobbing. I went to my room, laid on my bed and cried and cried. About a half an hour later I called the clinic behind my apartment.

"I think I'm pregnant. I need to come in to confirm it."

"have you taken a pregnancy test?"

"yes. five."

"were any of them positive?"

"yes. all of them."

"wow. okay, well you're pregnant. There is no need to come in. Is this a good or a bad thing?"

"it's bad."

I couldn't stop crying. I felt like I was stuck in a nightmare.

I hung up the phone and called Kris. After telling him the news, I grabbed my keys and went to my car. I had to get out of my apartment.

That night, my mom called me. 30 seconds into the conversation she could tell something was wrong. I got off the phone with her before she could ask anymore questions. I was not ready to tell her.

not even five minutes later, my dad texted me telling me he had a bad feeling about something and that I needed to be completely honest with him. I didn't reply. I didn't know what to say. I was at my aunts house babysitting. The kids were in bed and Kris was there talking about what we should do. That was when my dad called.

He asked me what was going on. I could barely talk.

he began asking me a bunch of questions, that of which I did not respond to because I was sobbing and couldn't control my voice.

"Andee if you get pregnant!...." he began to say.

"I am pregnant dad!" my crying was now very noticable.

silence.

"she's pregnant" he said to my mom. "we're coming over"

Within minutes they were at the front door. They came in and told Kris that he better leave. My mom pushed him out the door and slammed it shut.

That was when they turned to me. They yelled for about 10 minutes. They told me how irresponsible this decision was, and asked me what I plan on doing. Then my mom told me she was staying with the kids until my aunt came home and to go home with my dad.

I got in his car and it was almost completely silent on the way home. He asked me two questions. One was what I was thinking of doing. When I responded marriage he asked me why I loved him. I then tried to think of reasons why I loved him....I tried.

When we pulled into the garage, I followed my dad to the bottom of the stairs. He stopped when we got there, turned around, and started crying. That was the worst part. I wished so badly he were still yelling. I would have rather him been yelling. He never cries.

He then grabbed me and pulled me into a hug. All I could say was I'm sorry. I said it over and over as we stood there and cried. We then went to their room and talked about my options. My Dad told me that he was going to tell me his opinion, and what he thinks I should do, then after that he wasn't going to say a word. He explained that he thought I should place for adoption. But that was it.

for the first few weeks I decided that I wanted to get married. I wanted to keep the baby. it was my baby. I bought a dress, but was not excited. I was in a bad mood all of the time and was not ever happy. I kept praying for an answer. I WANTED marriage to be right. I wanted things to work out. I wanted it so badly that I refused to listen to my answer. For weeks I ignored my feelings, but I continued praying for an answer. I was becoming so frustrated. One day I finally Knelt down and said a prayer asking that if marriage was not the right thing, then to give Kris the second thoughts that I had the entire time.

He had been all for marriage from the beginning and never showed any sign of second thoughts.

A couple days after I prayed for that answer, we were driving home from getting our marriage license. When we were almost home, Kris explained that we needed to talk. He said that he had been thinking a lot lately and he wanted to talk. We pulled into his driveway and parked the car. He started explaining that he wasn't sure this was the right thing. He then went on to tell me things I had never heard before. He told me things that I had asked him about before I even discovered I was pregnant. He had obviously not been honest with me.

I sat in shock the entire time. I could not believe what he was telling me. I began to cry, took the ring off my finger and gave it to him. "so should we think about this for a while?" he asked. "yes." I said. I had already made my decision. Kris was having second thoughts. It was an answer to my prayers. The minute he got out of the car, I received a text from my mom "do you need me?" I was confused as to how she knew what was going on, and when exactly to text me. "yes" was my reply.

She called me right after that. She was crying, and I was crying. She told me to meet her at the park. We got there around the same time, and her and my dad walked up to me and gave me a hug.

After asking my mom how she knew, she told me that Kris had gone to her before he came to me. He told her all his second thoughts.

my mom KNEW that once he told me, it would be a deal breaker.

We sat on the bleachers, my dad wrapped a blanket around me and they both sat down and hugged me. I knew what this meant. I had received my answer, but it wasn't the answer I wanted. It wasn't the answer I was hoping for. This was my baby. I wanted to raise my baby. It was my baby. Mine.

We talked for an hour. I explained to them that I didn't want to make ths little baby suffer from my mistakes. I didn't want to make my child go between parents every weekend. I wanted it to have a mom and dad that loved eachother.

I was going to place for adoption.

(to be continued with in part 2)

Hoping to Adopt Features!

2011-08-09T14:17:00.001-06:00

Hoping to Adopt!

I am going to start posting "Hoping to Adopt" features on this blog. It's just one more great way for you to "find" your child by spreading the word that you are hoping to adopt! Email me at sandyfsa@gmail.com if you would like to be featured!

FSA Conference

2011-08-07T14:14:00.001-06:00

Just a reminder, the National Families Supporting Adoption Conference is this Friday and Saturday! Our very own Sandy FSA member, Ethan, will be speaking on using the internet as a great resource when hoping to adopt so make sure to watch for him!

Race and Identity in Transracial Adoption: Suggestions for Adoptive Parents

2011-08-05T14:02:00.000-06:00

I recently read an article titled, "Race and Identity in Transracial Adoption: Suggestions for Adoptive Parents" from the Adoption Advocate, No. 38 that is put out by the National Council for Adoption.

It was an interesting topic for me because my little boy is multiracial. I would definitely recommend it for anyone that has adopted a child who is a different race than their own or who is considering transracial adoption.

Here are just a few of my favorite parts...

"Staci, a mother of three biological children as well as one adopted Ethiopian-born son, recalls feeling blindsided when a visitor to their home remarked on the fact that her son, unlike his siblings, had “darker skin”: “Until that moment, my sweet four-year-old [daughter] had never noticed that she and her brother were different. And now it was done. I came to the conclusion that I will never let another human teach my children things I want to have first dibs on, if I can help it. Later, sure, I don’t want to be the Be All and End All of my children’s worldviews. But on sensitive, important topics like where babies come from, the fact that our family looks different, racism…I decided I want to lay the groundwork for these vital dialogues with my kids, not do damage control after someone brings up the topic for me, possibly in ways I don’t like. This means starting earlier than I ever intended. So we talk about color a lot more. We notice it… We bring it up. We buy and check out books that help facilitate our conversations.”

While she knows that educating her children about race is important, Staci admits it can also be exceedingly difficult for her. Yet, as she points out, she is unwilling to allow any of her children, particularly her adopted son, to be shocked and unprepared when confronted with these issues outside the safe confines of their family. “[My children] can no longer believe in a world where it doesn’t matter what you look like. Because in our family that might be true, but it’s not true everywhere,” says Staci. “I feel I’ve done the right thing. I hope it will make them stronger. I hope it will set the stage for more talks.”

I really appreciated her sharing her experiences. All I see when I look at Noah is my little boy but I know others sometimes look at us and see two different races. I have had multiple experiences where people have commented about this (some respectfully, some not quite as much). He's too young right now to have any idea what people might be talking about and I have often wondered how I am going to handle those situations when he is old enough to understand what they are saying. I always want Noah to be proud of all aspects of who he is and I know that needs to start at home.

This next part was written to help adoptee's but I think it is also helpful for adoptive parents in these kinds of situations.

"In her workshops with adoptees, Dr. Vonk often uses Marilyn Schoettle’s W.I.S.E. Up! Powerbook. “By teaching the W.I.S.E. Up! model, we try to give children at least four possible ways to respond to intrusive questions or comments that make them uncomfortable. The first choice, the ‘W,’ is to ‘Walk away’; simply leave that uncomfortable situation. The second choice, ‘It’s private,’ lets them tell the other person that this is none of their business. The third choice, ‘Share something,’ gives them the option to share a more personal response – only if they are comfortable doing so. The fourth choice, ‘Educate,’ is an opportunity to educate the other person about adoption in general, perhaps transracial adoption specifically. We practice role play in our groups so the kids learn that there are different times and places for different sorts of responses, and they have the power to choose what their response will be based on what feels right to them. They understand that they cannot control what questions or comments they receive, but they can control how they choose to respond.”

You can find the article in it's entirety here. It's a little long but it's worth it!

What have your experiences been when discussing adoption or race with your children or others you come in conact with?

Why Erica Loves FSA

2011-08-02T14:16:00.002-06:00

"I was the Outreach Chair for the Sandy FSA a couple of years ago and I learned so much. I wanted to share one of my most memorable experiences. In 2008, I organized my second "pen placement outreach." This is when we order a bunch of pens with the "It's about love" logo and the Sandy information on it then we get volunteers to drop off a bunch of pens to OBGYN's and women's centers around the valley (we even dropped some off at the Planned Parenthood.) One of my own assigned locations to drop off pens was the Pioneer Valley Hospital in West Valley City. This was significant for me because just a year later I would be in this same hospital watching our third precious adopted baby being born and eventually take him home. Was this a coincidence? It may be. But I was just so grateful to have had the opportunity to reach out to the public about this beautiful, amazing adoption process and I believe the impact of that service blessed my little family forever. I know that everyone is extremely busy but I firmly believe that everyone needs to get involved with FSA - not only to appreciate the work that is being done on your behalf and to learn so much more about the whole adoption system but also to bless the lives of your own families."

August's FSA meeting is this Thursday, August 4 7:30pm at the Sandy LDS Family Services office. Come join us if you want to find out more about FSA or would like to get involved!

My adjustment to open adoption

2011-07-20T14:53:00.000-06:00

Open adoption. I feel like I have a book to write about all of my feelings. I want to be honest and open, in hopes that my own feelings and experiences, which have been ALL over the spectrum, will be helpful to someone in someway because I know that it can be a very new concept for so many of us that are hoping to adopt. So, here is one little part of my own experience...

When I started learning more about adoption I was also learning about open adoption. The more I learned the more I embraced this idea and I wanted to jump in with everything that I had. My husband, Jon, on the other hand, was very on board with adoption but he had a lot of reservations about open adoption. He was nervous. Nervous about what role birth parents would have in our lives and our childrens lives. Nervous that this might somehow take away from our role as our children's parents. We went to the adoption education classes and listened to the wonderful birth parent panel. Jon had given open adoption a lot of thought and now was ready for an open adoption.

Fast forward a few months, our son, Noah, was born in Georgia. We met his wonderful birth family for the first time. We loved them so much and were so grateful for them. Then it was time to head home and start our normal life with our new beautiful baby. All of the sudden, open adoption, became so complicated in my mind for me. The reality set in and surprisingly, it was me, not Jon, who was all of the sudden having a hard time figuring out how to make an open adoption work in our lives. I felt every emotion that you can imagine. I was so grateful for Noah's birth parents and I truely and sincerely loved them so much but I also sometimes felt overwhelmed at how to balance them into our lives. It felt more complicated than I wanted it to be.

When I look back at this time, I think a lot of my own inner struggles were caused by the pressure that I put on myself. I wanted to be the very best adoptive mom in the world to our birth parents. I wanted so much for Noah's birth parents to be happy with their decision to place with us. I had started a private blog for them to look at and that was going to be our main way of sending pictures and updates on what was going on with him. I posted everyday for the first month of his life. Then I started blogging every other day and did that for a long time. Then every three days, then every week, then every two weeks. I really have to emphasize again, how wonderful Noah's birth family was. They were not the ones asking for this much. It was me feeling like I wanted and needed to do this for them but in turn it started having the opposite effect on me. I felt overwhelmed with this responsibility that I had put on myself.

A lot has changed between then and now. I have learned a lot and have realized that Noah's birth parents trusted us to be his parents and to be the best parent I can, my focus always needs to be on doing what is best for him and our family first. (Seems so obvious, right?)

I am so happy that Noah's birth family is in our lives. We were able to go back to Georgia in May and visit them for the first time. Now that I am not worrying so much about always doing the right thing, the relationship seems so much more simple. They are wonderful people that love Noah so much and want the best for him just like we do.

What have been your experiences with open adoption? Has it been an easy adjustment or am I the only one that struggled a little bit to figure it out?! I would love to hear from you!

-Angela

Registration Extended

2011-07-15T21:45:00.000-06:00

Early registration for the FSA National Conference has been extended until July 22 so if you are planning on going make sure to register now so you can get the cheaper price!

Why I Love FSA

2011-07-13T13:54:00.001-06:00

I think one of my biggest struggles while dealing with infertility was the feeling of no control. I wanted a child so badly but I did not have a whole lot of control over making that happen. So, I took advantage of the things that I did have control of. I charted, went to doctors, tried fertility treatments, took my vitamins, ate healthy, etc, etc..., so many of you know the drill. I did everything in my power to try and make it happen for us, to try and start our family. The thought of not being able to do anything drove me crazy.

When we decided that adoption was our next step, I moved forward in the same way. I worked and worked on the paperwork. I ordered birth certificates, gathered pictures, got our background checks done, made doctor appointments. I wanted to get us approved ASAP! Then we were approved. We were finally there and the waiting {and finding} began.

This is when FSA came into our lives. We started attending the monthly board meeting where we got to know other couples that had adopted or were also hoping to adopt. We plan activities and help with the adoption education classes. We discuss ways to reach out to the community, to help educate others on adoption in hopes that we will find more birth parents for so many of us that are hoping to adopt. We help plan a birth parent celebration night for those birth parents in our chapter that have recently placed their child for adoption and so much more!

In the adoption education classes, they talk a lot about "finding" your child. FSA was one way that I felt like I was trying to do that. It is one area that I feel I have a little more control in trying to move the adoption process along, by doing my part to spread the word of adoption. And, along the way, I have made wonderful friends, found great support, and have had a lot of fun. I have found people that understand the unique struggle of infertility and the joys and challenges that come with adoption.

We would love to have any of you come join us at our monthly board meeting and do as much or as little as you feel comfortable with! We also have an activity for hoping to adopt and adoptive families coming up in September so keep your eye out for upcoming information on that!

- Angela

Face Behind the Blog

2011-07-12T13:09:00.009-06:00

I thought it was about time to introduce myself! I am Angela, an adoptive mom of a beautiful 17 month old boy and am hoping to adopt again! I have been a part of Families Supporting Adoption {FSA} since 2009 when we were first approved to adopt. I can't even tell you how much I love FSA but I'll talk more about that soon! I have just recently become the "blogger" of Sandy FSA so I hope you'll bear with me while this evolves and grows.

I would LOVE any help you are willing to give me by sharing some of your experiences of placing a child, watching a family member or friend place a child, experiencing infertility, hoping to adopt, and adopting! Or any other thoughts or feelings you would like to share. In the meantime, I'll share some of my own experiences, the experiences of other FSA members, and any other adoption information that I find along the way.

Please email me at sandyfsa@gmail.com if you have any questions, would like to share any of your own experiences or if you have anything specific you would like to learn about. Thanks!

Attachment-Based Training

2011-06-26T16:48:00.000-06:00

The Utah Foster Care Foundation is offering a wonderful, attachment-based training called the Circle of Security starting on the 12th of July, running every Tuesday evening for 8 weeks. It will be held in the Riverton, Utah area. There is only a small charge of $5 for the manual if you are not a currently licensed foster family. Check out the Foster Roster at utahfostercare.org for more information.

Workshop on Transracial Adoption

2011-06-25T16:37:00.002-06:00

The Domino Foundation is hosting a workshop on transracial adoption:

Understanding Whiteness

Tuesday June 28th at 6pm

"If race is a reality, then acknowledging the whiteness of ourselves is just as important as honoring the beautiful color of our transracially adopted children. Explore the characteristics of... whiteness--what it means to be white, the privilege associated with it, and the experience of racial dominance. In order to build a truly equal and equitable world for our children of color, we need to understand the power that has been exerted to protect and privilege white people--historically, politically, educationally, and culturally. This is a difficult but necessary conversation in the racial identity development of our transracially adopted children, since white is the backdrop of the world they are likely to experience.Please join us for this informative workshop."

For more information contact: andrea.hardeman@gmail.com

Remember... Foster Care Foundation's Art Festival this weekend!

2011-06-15T13:27:00.000-06:00

Don't forget to head down to the Gateway this weekend for the Utah Foster Care Foundation’s 9th Annual Chalk Art Festival. It's going to be awesome!!!

Rooted in Love

2011-05-22T13:06:00.004-06:00

"ROOTED IN LOVE”

2011 NATIONAL CONFERENCE

WHEN: August 12 - 13

WHERE: Davis Conference Center
8 a.m. – 5 p.m. 1651 North 700 West Layton, UT
Banquet: August 12, 5:30 p.m.

QUESTIONS: Peggy Shepherd 801-240-6052

shepherdpl@ldsfamilyservices.org

COST: $40.00 per individual (EACH ATTENDEE MUST REGISTER INDIVIDUALLY) (Cost will increase to $45 after July 15)

REGISTRATION:
www.regonline.com/familiessupportingadoption

LODGING INFORMATION:
http://www.hiltongardeninn.com/en/gi/hotels/index.jhtml?ctyhocn=SLCLAGI
Group Code: LDSFAMILY

KEYNOTE SPEAKERS

Julie B. Beck, Relief Society General President
Friday, August 12, 9 a.m.
Julie Bangerter Beck served on the Young Women general board and as first counselor in the Young Women general presidency. She currently serves as the Relief Society general president. As part of her responsibilities, she is a member of the Church Board of Education and the Boards of Trustees for Church schools and universities, and she is on the executive and general councils for Church welfare and the Perpetual Education Fund. She is the mother of three children and is the grandmother of 14.

Dr. Karyn Purvis
Saturday, August 13, 9 a.m.
Dr. Karyn Purvis has spent the past ten years developing research-based interventions for at-risk children. She is the coauthor of the 2007 book The Connected Child: Bringing Hope and Healing to Your Adoptive Family, and her projects have been featured on Dateline NBC and in Newsweek, Parents Magazine, and other popular magazines. Dr. Purvis is a former foster mother and speaks frequently to national and international groups.

Special Guest
Charles “Chuck” Johnson
August 12, 5:30 (Banquet)
Chuck Johnson is president and CEO of the National Council For Adoption (NCFA) and director of the Infant Adoption Awareness Training Initiative. He is the primary editor of NCFA’s Consider the Possibilities curriculum and of the Adoption Advocate, a monthly publication of NCFA. He is also the project manager and editor/writer of the Intercountry Adoption Journey: Hague-Compliant Training from NCFA. He is a father by adoption.

9th Annual Chalk Art Festival

2011-04-29T13:23:00.000-06:00

Have you been to the Chalk Art Festival that is held every year at the Gateway? It is AWESOME! Definitely worth taking the time to go down there and check it out, plus, it's free!

"Utah Foster Care Foundation’s 9th Annual Chalk Art Festival on Fathers Day weekend is one of the largest and most prestigious street painting festivals in the western United States.

The world-class performance art event — held at The Gateway — benefits the 2,800 Utah children in foster care and attracts more than 125 local and national chalk artists."

Click here for more information!

Annual Adoption Walk

2011-04-27T13:18:00.000-06:00

The Celebrate Adoption Walk
May 14th 2011
10:00 am
Provo High School Track

This has been such a great event in the past and we encourage everyone to come out and have some fun! It's a fantastic way to meet new people in the adoption community or to reconnect with those you haven't seen in a while. It is also a great way to celebrate birthmothers day and mothers day!

This years event will feature Cosmo the Cougar, lots of fun games, firemen, mini races, a candy toss, and yummy refreshments. The main event is the adoption walk where we invite everyone to get out on the track and celebrate adoption.

Adoptive couples, birth parents, soon to be adoptive couples, case workers, extended family members basically anyone who supports adoption can come and celebrate with us. We can't wait to see all of you there!

*Note- this event is usually held on the Saturday BEFORE Mother's Day (or Birthmother's day), however due to a scheduling conflict it will be the Saturday AFTER Mother's Day this year.

Remember, Register for the Utah Adoption Council Conference!

2011-04-22T15:14:00.002-06:00

The deadline for UAC Annual Adoption Conference is fast approaching! Please consider registering for the conference soon.

The deadline is April 29, 2011. After that date there is an additional $20.00 late fee. To register go to: http://www.regonline.com/register/checkin.aspx?eventid=939615
If you have had problems registering please contact Kathy Searle at ks@adoptex.org or 801-265-0444.

"Like" us on Facebook!

2011-04-15T14:09:00.000-06:00

Don't forget to "Like" us on facebook! Search: Sandy FSA - Families Supporting Adoption or just click on the link on the left side of this screen.

Faith and Infertility

2011-04-13T14:04:00.001-06:00

Did you get a chance to read this article in the April Ensign magazine? Faith and Infertility By Melissa Merrill Infertility can be heartbreaking. Four couples share how they maintained faith and hope. Infertility: it was the last thing Brenda Horrocks ever expected to hear from her doctor. She and her husband, Brad, had been married for four years, and although she had experienced complications with her menstrual cycle from the time she was a teenager, doctors had told her and Brad that with “a little help,” they would be able to have a baby. “A little help turned into a lot of help,” Brenda says, and after multiple fertility treatments over several years, the Horrockses were told that the likelihood of their being able to conceive was extremely small. Infertility is not uncommon—some 15 percent of couples in the United States have difficulty conceiving a child; 1 other countries throughout the world show similar figures. In 40 percent of instances, the wife is infertile. In another 40 percent, the problem rests with the husband. In 10 percent of cases, both are infertile, and in the remaining 10 percent, the cause is unknown. 2 In the context of the Church, where the family is celebrated as the fundamental unit of society, 3 not having children can be an especially difficult challenge. Yet as Brad and Brenda and many others can attest, God does not leave His children alone in their trials. “Never give up,” Brad recommends. “There’s always hope. Heavenly Father always has something in store for us. We have found that over and over again.” Here, the Horrockses and three other couples who have dealt with the challenges of infertility—Dave and Angie Belnap, Phil and Valerie Hochheiser, and Curtis and Melody Linton—share how they saw the Lord’s hand guiding them through their challenges. Dealing with Grief Brenda’s grief at the diagnosis was so overwhelming that she began questioning her mission in life, she says. “I felt lost for a long time. I felt I had no purpose. That’s the ultimate goal, isn’t it, to get married and have a family? I still knew I was a daughter of God, but I hated that I couldn’t be a co-creator with Him. I felt broken, like I wasn’t a real woman.” Brenda tried “swimming through” her grief for several months and even years. At one point, it became so severe that she felt prompted to seek professional counseling. “I realized the grief was inhibiting my progression,” she says. She asked Heavenly Father to guide her in a search for the right counselor and began meeting with one who was able to offer the help Brenda needed. “As I went to my appointments and continued to do my homework [usually assigned reading], my heart was being prepared for healing,” Brenda recalls. “Many of my fears and pains started to subside, and a new person was emerging.” Brenda notes that while some well-meaning people tried to assist by suggesting what might be wrong with her or what she could try, that didn’t help. “I just needed people to buoy me up as I struggled and to acknowledge that what I was going through was difficult.” Angie Belnap and her husband, Dave, learned after four years of marriage that they most likely wouldn’t be able to conceive. Angie recalls going through all of the stages of grief but finding herself returning over and over to the anger stage. “I remember wondering how something that was so important in life could be denied me,” she says. “My feelings of hurt and what seemed to me to be spiritual abandonment manifested themselves through anger. I was very angry. Angry at myself. Angry at my husband. Angry at God.” But Angie started working through her grief by focusing on aspects of her life she could control rather than on those she couldn’t. Angie, who worked as a third-grade teacher, looked for ways she could improve her skills at work. She also read a lot—“there was always a book on my nightstand,” she recalls—and pursued other self-improvement projects. “I couldn’t change the infertility, but I could progress in other areas of my life,” she says. She also found it helpful to keep a journal. “I didn’t always feel that I could talk to people about what I was going through, but I could get my feelings ‘out there’ by writing them down. That helped a lot.” Debunking Spiritual Myths Angie’s husband, Dave, grew up with four sisters and two brothers and always expected to have a large family of his own. However, when years passed without any children for him and Angie, Dave began to wonder if it were a consequence of inadequate spirituality. “We tried to stay positive,” Dave says, “but it was hard. I knew the importance of starting a family, but because we weren’t able to have biological children, I felt like I was being punished or short-changed.” Like Dave, many people facing infertility look for the reason behind the struggle and sometimes blame themselves. Such thoughts and feelings can sting even more when others make well-intended but hurtful comments, often laced with misguided beliefs. For instance, Melody Linton recalls sitting in testimony meeting and hearing new mothers say things like, “God trusted me enough to bless me with this baby.” “I can understand why they said it,” Melody admits. “It’s a fair statement. But in my situation without a child, I couldn’t help but think, ‘God doesn’t trust me.’ “I don’t know that I felt angry at Heavenly Father, but I felt forsaken by Him,” she continues. “I felt so left out. Why were all these other women getting to experience pregnancy? I had tried to live my life worthily and do things I knew to be correct. So why wasn’t it happening for me?” Eventually, Melody found solace in the writings of Elder Neal A. Maxwell (1926–2004) on adversity. 4 “The tables turned for me,” she says. “I began to think, ‘Why not me?’ I’m strong enough to handle this.” She knew that with the support of her husband, Curtis, and in the strength of the Lord, she could face her challenges. Brenda points out that it’s important to continue to trust in the Lord, even when what is happening isn’t what we want. “For a while, I thought if I had enough faith, I would be cured,” she says. “But sometimes having faith means trusting in and listening to the Lord even when we are not cured. What we want won’t always match what He has planned for us.” She recalls a Sunday School lesson in which a bishopric member shared an important message about faith—one she’s clung to ever since. He said, “When someone has an ailment or an illness and they are healed as the result of a blessing, their faith is being strengthened. But for those who aren’t healed but continue faithful, their faith is being perfected. The first is a faith-promoting experience. The second is faith-perfecting.” Turning to—Not Away from—Each Other Infertility can cause a lot of couples to reevaluate their plans for their lives and in some cases, their very relationships. When Curtis and Melody’s doctor suggested a particular fertility treatment—one of their last options—Melody was ready to move ahead, while Curtis had significant reservations. At this crossroads, Curtis recalls, he retreated deeper within himself and escaped by exercising and working more. Melody, meanwhile, felt stagnant. “While we were trying different procedures, I felt productive and proactive, and that brought a tremendous sense of hope,” she says. “But when we were stalling and nothing was moving forward, that killed me.” The couple had worked hard for years to encourage each other in their education, careers, and other interests. This had carried over into their infertility challenges as well, such as when Curtis went to doctor appointments with Melody or she supported him as he sought refuge in bike rides and other physical activity. “Trying to support Melody is what had saved me through all of this,” he says. But as Melody sunk deeper into sadness, Curtis felt powerless in knowing how to help her. They were, it seemed, at an impasse. That changed, Melody says, when she ultimately realized that they needed to be united as a couple. While she did not share her husband’s reservations about the proposed procedure, she could respect them. “One no meant two no’s,” she says. Together, they began exploring other options. Phil and Valerie Hochheiser discovered that when the stresses of infertility were too much—especially because, like the Lintons, they came to stages of understanding at different times—they could find relief in focusing on their marriage. For instance, varying the routine gave the couple something besides fertility testing and treatments to think about. Phil says it was helpful to break away by going to the movies or taking a walk. He and Valerie also “took a couple of trips to put everything behind us for a bit. Otherwise, infertility could have run our days and nights,” he says. To further strengthen their relationship, the Hochheisers wrote each other notes, went on dates, made anniversaries or other dates special by splurging on a hotel room, made efforts to look attractive for each other, sent flowers, and started saying “I love you” more often. “It’s easy when you’re feeling depressed to let some of these areas slide—or to not try anything at all—but by making a conscious effort, we were able to handle things with a better sense of well-being and unity,” Valerie says. Physical intimacy also played an important role, Valerie adds. “Intimacy in marriage has several ‘functions’—procreation, yes, but also bonding and unifying a couple in their marriage. Going through infertility reaffirmed in my mind the importance of intimacy in our marriage.” That stronger marriage, in turn, brought blessings of its own. “It helped me realize amid a lot of unknowns that I was really blessed to have a husband who is good to me, who loves me, and who was willing to work through this together,” Valerie says. “It didn’t mean that we got rid of the ups and downs. It didn’t mean that there weren’t times that were scary. But we’ve learned so much and grown much closer because of what we’ve been through.” Serving Others Phil and Valerie readily acknowledge that it took more than turning toward each other, important as that was. They also needed to turn outward to others in the healing process. Valerie remembers finding joy in her service in the Young Women organization. Focusing on those she served helped her deal with her own challenges, and occasionally, she even found personal solutions in the process. “I remember one particular lesson teaching about having an eternal perspective. We discussed how different our own view is from Heavenly Father’s. For some reason, that particular lesson—while I was in the middle of serving others—had a big impact on me. It helped me see a little bit more clearly that my struggles were only temporary ones.” Phil, too, had significant experiences reaching out to others. He remembers finding—and later sharing—Alma 26:27: “Now when our hearts were depressed, and we were about to turn back, behold, the Lord comforted us, and said: Go amongst thy brethren, the Lamanites, and bear with patience thine afflictions, and I will give unto you success.” “I identified with the ‘when our hearts were depressed,’ phrase,” says Phil. “Dealing with infertility is such an up-and-down cycle, and you feel that way a lot of the time. But I learned to ‘bear with patience’ my afflictions and, as Ammon and his brethren were instructed to do, serve others. So that’s what we did. We found ways to reach out to others and lift them up. We didn’t yet know what the ‘success’ would be, whether it would be pregnancy or adoption or something else, but we trusted that it would happen.” Reaching Out to a Support Network Because of infertility’s personal nature, some couples may decide not to talk about it with other people. The Hochheisers, for instance, waited until Valerie was about to undergo surgery before they brought it up to their families. “It was hard for my family, my mom in particular, to have not been informed all along,” Valerie recalls. “She felt I hadn’t wanted to include her and let her be my support. But we were struggling to figure things out ourselves. It would have been really hard to answer questions when we weren’t yet sure what we were dealing with.” Moreover, they didn’t want to trouble others with their struggles. Of course, people handle unexpected situations differently, Phil points out. “Later on, I realized the biggest help was having a strong support group outside of the two of us—people who could see the whole picture, or even someone who had been through what we were experiencing.” Once they started talking to other people, Valerie and Phil realized they weren’t alone. “There are people out there; there are support groups, both in person and online,” Phil concludes. “Look for help.” Curtis and Melody found some of their greatest strength in such support groups, specifically Families Supporting Adoption through LDS Family Services. Although they were nervous about going to their first meeting, when they walked into the room, Melody says, “I saw in every woman’s eyes what I felt in my heart. I felt safe and knew that I could share what I was experiencing.” “Within the support group,” Curtis adds, “we were Curtis and Melody dealing with this challenge of infertility, not infertility in the form of Curtis and Melody.” That realization, he says, was paramount. “There’s nothing in the scriptures or anywhere in the gospel that teaches us to suffer in silence,” Curtis continues. “That’s a cultural thing. When you suffer in silence, you suffer more deeply. We went through periods where we were waiting for someone to take the first step to us. Be willing to approach others first. Share your story; you’ll find that others will often open up after that.” Looking to the Lord Eventually, the paths of the Belnaps, Hochheisers, Horrockses, and Lintons led them all to adoption. And while their children have brought great joy to each couple, healing, they say, comes from the Lord—not from adopting or conceiving. “I finally realized that infertility wasn’t a punishment,” Angie says. “Once I was past the point of anger and bitterness, I was willing to hear the Spirit and receive direction about what we were supposed to do. Of course, that comes at different points for everyone. Infertility was my refiner’s fire. My faith was strengthened through those difficult years.” “I had never really thought about adoption, but when Dave and I had been married almost five years, we moved into a ward where we met a couple who had adopted, and we started asking them questions and learning about the process. In receiving direction from the Lord that adoption was the path we were to pursue, I felt physical and spiritual weights lifted from my shoulders. The realization of God’s plan for our family gave me peace.” “One of the gospel principles I’ve learned to appreciate through our experience is that Heavenly Father has a plan for each of us,” Dave adds. “Sometimes we get caught up in the one-size-fits-all mentality, and we feel that our lives should look like other people’s lives. But that’s really not true. Everyone has different trials, and Heavenly Father is aware of those. If we are humble enough to follow the plan He has for us, we’ll be happy.” Valerie Hochheiser agrees that relying on and trusting in the Lord is crucial. “I learned that we had to do everything in our power but then ultimately turn it over to Him,” she says. “Sometimes that means letting Him tell us which direction to go. Other times it’s a matter of choosing a direction and letting Him confirm the decision. “I think that was part of our learning process,” she continues. “I remember at one point telling Heavenly Father that we no longer knew what to pray for. We could pray for this to work or that to work, but mostly we just wanted to be ready for the blessings that Heavenly Father was ready to send us.” Seeking Heavenly Father’s comfort and guidance will help us make the best decisions regardless of our circumstances. “I have learned to trust in Him, to follow the Spirit, and to feel at peace because God’s plan is the one that will benefit me the most,” Brad says. “There’s more to life than we can imagine.” Brenda agrees. “His gifts are the best gifts,” she says. “He loves us so much. What I would have planned for our life would pale in comparison to what He has given us. We need to trust and know that He will give to us immeasurably. What He has in mind for His children is better than anything we could ever design.” For additional information on this topic see Ana Nelson Shaw, “Being Sensitive to Couples without Children,” Ensign, Aug. 2000, 61. You can also visit the Counseling and Resources section of ldsfamilyservices.org. For more from each of these couples—and others—on the topic of infertility, and for ideas for friends and family, please visit ensign.lds.org. “I couldn’t change the infertility, but I could progress in other areas of my life. … I finally realized that infertility wasn’t a punishment. It was my refiner’s fire.” –Angie Belnap “What I would have planned for our life would pale in comparison to what God has given us. What He has in mind for His children is better than anything we could ever design.” –Brenda Horrocks

FREE - 2nd Annual Utah Infertility Awareness Event

2011-04-11T14:32:00.003-06:00

The 2nd Annual Utah Infertility Awareness Event will be held on:

Saturday, April 30th 9:00 am- Noon at the University of Utah Health Sciences Education Building, Room 1750 This is a free event but seating is limited so make sure to register before it's full!

Topics will include: Strengthening Relationships During Fertility Treatments, Considering the Fears and Concerns of Third Party Reproduction, Finding Tangible Ways to Cope With Infertility

Presenters include: Monica Ashton, MSW, LCSW, Psychotherapist, The Healing Group Laura Czajkowski, Ph.D., Associate Professor, Department of Psychiatry, Univ. of Utah Kerstin Daynes, author of Infertility: Help, Hope, and Healing

New this year: Ask a Professional - a panel discussion about infertility

Cute adoption book

2011-04-04T13:56:00.004-06:00

Click here to view a cute online adoption book...enjoy!

Utah Adoption Council Conference

2011-03-22T09:06:00.002-06:00

Utah Adoption Council Conference

Wednesday, May 11, 2011 8:45 AM -
Thursday, May 12, 2011 3:30 PM (Mountain Time)

South Towne Expo Center
801-565-4490
9575 S. State Street
Sandy, Utah 84070

For more information on this conference, click here.

2011 FSA International Conference

2011-03-02T14:09:00.002-07:00

Are you starting to get your summer calendar all figured out? I know I am! Make sure to include the dates for the 2011 FSA International Conference!

August 12 - 13

Davis Conference Center
1651 North 700 West
Layton, UT

Opening Keynote Speaker: Sister Julie B. Beck, General Relief Society President of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. (Isn't that awesome!)

Conference Theme: 'Rooted in Love'

More information to come as it becomes available!

More on Adoption Tax Credit

2011-02-28T13:32:00.000-07:00

Seven Facts about the Expanded Adoption Credit

IRS Tax Tip 2011-34

You may be able to take a tax credit of up to $13,170 for qualified expenses paid to adopt an eligible child. The Affordable Care Act increased the amount of the credit and made it refundable, which means it can increase the amount of your refund.

Here are seven things the IRS wants you to know about the expanded adoption credit.

1. Beginning in tax year 2010 the credit is refundable, meaning that you can get it even if you owe no tax.

2. For tax year 2010 you must file a paper tax return and Form 8839, Qualified Adoption Expenses, to get the credit and you must attach documents supporting the adoption.

3. Documents may include a final adoption decree, placement agreement from an authorized agency, court documents and the state’s determination for special needs children.

4. Qualified adoption expenses are reasonable and necessary expenses directly related to the legal adoption of the child. These expenses may include adoption fees, court costs, attorney fees and travel expenses.

5. An eligible child must be under 18 years old, or physically or mentally incapable of caring for himself or herself.

6. If your modified adjusted gross income is more than $182,520, your credit is reduced. If your modified AGI is $222,520 or more, you cannot take the credit.

7. Taxpayers claiming the credit will still be able to use IRS Free File to prepare their returns, but the returns must be printed and mailed to the IRS, along with all required documentation.

For more information see the Adoption Benefits FAQ page available at http://www.irs.gov or the instructions to IRS Form 8839, Qualified Adoption Expenses, which can be downloaded from the website or ordered by calling 800-TAX-FORM (800-829-3676).

This article can be found at: http://www.irs.gov/newsroom/article/0,,id=236174,00.html

Getting to know my son's birth family

2011-02-26T13:00:00.000-07:00

In response to the question "What were your expectations in adopting and how does this differ from how things turned out?" one reader wrote:

After attending the adoption classes, listening to people's stories, and reading many stories on various blogs I had the expectation that when a birth mother chose us to adopt her child, I would feel like I already knew her, that it would be somewhat "easy", there would be some kind of instant connection. When it wasn't like that, I wondered if I had done something wrong. I learned of course that this was fine. Our relationship has developed slowly over time like most relationships do. It will always be a very special one because we share so much love for the same wonderful little boy.

Back to Blogging

2011-01-13T14:42:00.002-07:00

Families Supporting Adoption's Sandy Chapter is going to try hard this year at doing a better job of blogging! We need your help. There are a few topics that we thought might be interesting to get people's point of views on and share on this blog.

What were your expectations in adopting and how does this differ from how things turned out?

What's it like to go out of state to adopt?

What was your experience with a legal risk adoption?

If you have something that you would be willing to share in any of these areas, please email your thoughts to sandyfsa@gmail.com. These will be posted completely confidentially. Thanks for your help!

Changes to the Federal Adoption Tax Credit - Tax Credit of up to

2011-01-06T19:11:00.000-07:00

The Adoption Tax Credit helps defray qualified adoption expenses, making adoption possible for some families who could not otherwise afford it. The expanded Adoption Tax Credit was included in the Affordable Care Act enacted in March. Taxpayers who adopt a child may qualify for an enhanced Adoption Tax Credit for 2010 and 2011.

You may qualify for the Adoption Tax Credit if you adopted a child and paid out-of-pocket expenses relating to the adoption. The amount of the tax credit you qualify for is directly related to how much money you spent on adoption-related expenses.

There is an exception to the amount of the tax credit you qualify for if you adopt a special needs child. You may claim the full amount of the Adoption Tax Credit, even if your out-of-pocket adoption-related expenses are less than the tax credit amount.

The ACA legislation extended and revised the Adoption Tax Credit enhancing it in three ways:
• Increased the maximum adoption credit to $13,170
• Extended this increased tax credit amount through Dec. 31, 2011
• Made the adoption credit refundable

Adoption-related Documentation Required

The Adoption Tax Credit is calculated on revised Form 8839, Qualified Adoption Expenses. IRS provides a worksheet for figuring your modified adjusted gross income for this credit in the revised Instructions for Form 8839. The adoption credit begins to phase out when your modified adjusted gross income is $182,520 and is completely phased out when your modified adjusted gross income reaches $222,520.

Which year you can claim the adoption credit depends on when the adoption was finalized and whether the adopted child is a US citizen, resident alien or foreign national.

For the 2010 tax year, new documentation requirements, designed to ensure that taxpayers properly claim the credit, now also apply. In addition to filling out revised Form 8839, Qualified
Adoption Expenses, eligible taxpayers must include with their federal tax returns one or more adoption-related documents.

Documentation will vary depending upon whether the adoption is foreign, or domestic, final or complete and whether the adoption is a special needs adoption. Taxpayers should ensure that they retain adoption documentation including:

• Receipts for qualified adoption expenses
• Entry visas for foreign adoptions
• Final decree, certificate or order of adoption
• Application for home study
• Child placement agreements or court orders
• State determination of special needs status

You must complete revised Form 8839, Qualified Adoption Expenses, and attach it to your Form 1040 with the required adoption-related documentation. Because of the mandatory documentation requirements for claiming the Adoption Tax Credit, taxpayers who claim the credit on their 2010 tax return must file a paper—not electronic—return.

If your adopted child does not yet have a Social Security Number, you must apply for an Adoption Tax ID Number (ATIN) in order for you to begin claiming your adopted child as a dependent.

For more information visit IRS.gov and search for adoption tax credit.

Thank You!

2011-01-06T19:08:00.002-07:00

A big thank you to all of those who helped with or donated to Utah Foster Care Christmas Sub-for-Santa's that was put together! You really made these children's Christmas' great!

Upcoming Events You Don't Want to Miss!!!

2010-11-04T21:21:00.004-06:00

Did you know that November is National Adoption Month? There are a lot of fun events going on this month that you won't want to miss!

This Saturday is the 5th Annual Adoption Walk at Liberty Park (600 East 1300 South, NE Corner)

9:30 to 12:30

The next big event is the Utah Adoption Council's Boondocks Day

November 13, 11am - 2 pm

$5 per family for the whole day CASH ONLY

At both the Draper (75 E. Southfork Dr.) and Kaysville (525 Deseret Dr.) locations

Upcoming Event

2010-03-03T15:37:00.000-07:00

Tired of Waiting?

2010-02-09T21:47:00.004-07:00

The FSA has purchased pens and notepads with our agency name and phone number on them. We would like to take them to OB/GYN Dr. offices and clinics around our area. We could use some help in this undertaking and if you have some time to donate we would appreciate your help. If you are interested please email us at sandyfsa@gmail.com with your phone number so we can call you to coordinate.

Who knows...this might just be the way YOUR expectant parents find you!

Riverton Office Update

2010-02-05T10:40:00.001-07:00

The new Riverton office has now been approved and the space is in the process of being built-out and furnished. An opening date has not yet been announced, but is most likely to be in mid-February---just a short couple of weeks from now!
The new office is located on the first floor of the Intel Building at 3740 West 13400 South. It is just West of Bangeter Highway and therefore, easily accessible.

All of you who will be affected by the split of the Sandy and Riverton offices will be notified by your case workers when the time comes. We are excited to be able to serve you in a location closer to your homes.

Kris Carpenter, Adoption Manager for the Riverton office
Connie Mason, Adoption Manager for the Sandy office

FSA Temple Night

2010-02-04T15:07:00.002-07:00

To kick off the new year, we are attending a temple session and holding a fast for adoption. Please join the Sandy FSA Board at a Temple Session on Saturday, February 6th at 6:00 p.m. at the Jordan River Temple. Please also join us in fasting for adoption on Sunday, February 7th. This will be a great opportunity to fast for help in finding your baby and to join together with other adoptive couples in fasting for all birthmothers. Please email sandyfsa@gmail.com with any questions. We hope to see you there.

(Be in the Chapel early to make the 6:00 session.)

Free Adoption Photography

2010-01-11T01:13:00.003-07:00

Christy Rossi Photography in Sandy is offering free post-adoption photography. The images below have the details and a sample of her work. Leave a comment and let us know if you try it out!

LDS.org now linked to ItsAboutLove! Let's Keep It There!

2009-08-03T13:22:00.000-06:00

Currently on LDS.org there is information at the top of the home page titled, “Crisis Pregnancy Help” with a link to itsaboutlove.org. We have been hoping for this for a long time and are excited to see it there. With it easier to find, it is our hope that more birthparents and families will get the help they need resulting in more birthmothers placing for adoption. We are not sure how long this link will be on the home page so please send them your feedback regarding how grateful you are to see it on there and have your family and friends do the same. Positive feedback has the biggest impact on what they do with the website.

Go to lds.org and click on “feedback” at the top of the page to send them your email, or click on the link below.

http://lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?locale=0&vgnextoid=3e920fd41d93b010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD

Thank you for being an adoption advocate.

Online Seminar: Talking to your Children about Adoption

2009-06-24T08:28:00.005-06:00

Infants placed for adoption usually do not have attachment and other emotional and behavioral issues associated with being in foster care or orphanages. However, children need to understand why they were placed for adoption and be allowed to ask hard questions.

If you have questions about how to help your children learn about adoption and their adoption story, join an online seminar is being provided by Nightlight. The seminar is on June 25th from 6:00-7:30 pm and registration is required. The registration fee is $15

Information about this can be found on adoptionvoices.com as well as through the Nightlight.org. To register, please follow this link: Nightlight.org.

If you have any questions, please send an email to laurag@nightlight.org

2009 FSA Adoption Conference

2009-06-16T08:41:00.003-06:00

2009 FSA National Conference
'Letting Love Lead'

When: Friday, July 31 at 10:00am to Saturday, August 1 at 4:00pm
Where: Davis Conference Center
800 West Heritage Park Boulevard
Layton, UT
Registration Fee: $60 per couple, $30 per individual
free for expectant parents, birth parents and their families
More Information: go to http://www.familiessupportingadoption.blogspot.com

Click here to view the flier with details about classes, speakers and schedules.

CONFERENCE BASICS

July 31, 2009 to August 1, 2009

The conference will be held for a second time at the Davis Conference Center.

SCHEDULE

Friday, July 31st

Registration	9:00-9:30
Breakout session 1	9:30-10:30
Breakout session 2	10:40-11:40
Lunch on your own	11:40-1:10
Breakout session 3	1:15-2:15
Breakout session 4	2:25-3:25
Breakout session 5	3:35-4:35

Awards Banquet	5:30-7:00
(Semi-formal dress)

Saturday, August 1st	8:00-9:00

Registration	9:00-9:30
Keynote address by Troy Dunn	9:30-10:30
Birth Parent Panel	10:45-12:00
Lunch	12:00-1:00
Breakout session 1	1:00-2:00
Breakout session 2	2:10-3:10
Breakout session 3	3:20-4:20
Closing session and raffle	4:30-4:45

REGISTRATION

To register, CLICK HERE.

This is for registration and payment purposes only. Please disregard any information related to Temple Square events.

Adoptive parents and hopeful adoptive parents are invited.

We also are inviting expectant parents, birth parents, and their families again this year. A great amount of effort has gone into planning breakout sessions for them. They may register for free by typing in “itsaboutlove” in the special code field on the registration form.

HOTEL ACCOMMODATIONS

A few hotel rooms at the Hilton Garden Inn (762 West Heritage Park Blvd, Layton, Utah, 84041) are blocked out for a discounted event rate. You may reserve a room by phone or through the hotel’s Web site. Call 801-416-8899 and make sure to mention the group code, which is “LDS” and the group name, which is “LDS Family Services.” You may also register online here. In the group code field, enter “LDS.” In order to get the discounted rate of $89, you must be registering for the blocked date (July 31^st). We will be posting other hotel options when the hotel is full.

CHILDREN'S ROOM

A children’s room will be available again during the conference and banquet. Please email Narda Emmett (imaemett@yahoo.com) to register your children. The cost will be $10 per day, per child. She will provide you with the details.

AIRPORT SHUTTLE

From the airport Express Shuttle - 801-596-1600.

QUESTIONS?

If you have general questions, please email contactus@ldsfamilyservices.org with “National Conference” as the subject.

This is always a fabulous event and can serve as such a help for all of us who experience the process of adoption in our lives. We encourage everyone to go if you can!

Chalk Art Festival

2009-06-13T09:17:00.002-06:00

A wonderful event will be put on by the Utah Foster Care Foundation, a non-profit organization which aims to give every child a loving home.

The 7^th annual Chalk Art Festival will be held June 19-20 along the Rio Grande Street at The Gateway in Salt Lake City. More than 100 professional, adult and student artists will transform the streets of The Gateway into a beautiful, temporary art gallery for the community to enjoy. This event runs June 19 from 4-9pm, June 20 from 10am-9pm and is completely FREE to the public! The festival also features a “Kids Korner” where children and families can create their own chalk art. This event helps the public to be aware of 2,600 Utah children in foster care and their need for loving homes and families. For more information visit www.chalkartfestival.org or www.utahfostercare.org.

Adoption Walk in Provo!

2009-04-20T12:42:00.001-06:00

Join the FSA in Provo for the annual Birth Mother Walk held on May 9th at Provo High School! This will be held on May 9 at 10:00 am. Please come to raise awareness about adoption while honoring all of the sweet birth mothers out there! Click on the image below for more information!

View your Profile Visits

2009-03-11T12:53:00.001-06:00

Recently it was discovered that it is possible to check the number of profile hits on your LDS Family Services adoption profile! Here is how you can do it:

1. Log into the Bluestep website.
2. Click on "Phase 4".
3. In the upper left corner choose "View Profile Statistics".

This is similar to what you will see:
Profile statistics since your profile was published.
Your Profile Message page has been viewed ____ times.
Your Photo Album has been been viewed ____ times.
Your Getting to Know Us page has been viewed ____ times.
Your Contact Us page has been viewed ____ times.

This information was found on ldsadoptioncouples.blogspot.com

A Beautiful Message

2009-03-11T12:37:00.001-06:00

Temporary Housing for Babies Needed

2009-03-11T12:11:00.004-06:00

The Sandy office occasionally has a need for a licensed foster home to take in a new baby for a limited time-maybe one night to a week or two. This happens only rarely and is usually due to some unusual circumstance between the time the birth mother signs the custody of the baby to the agency, and the couple is ready to take physical possession. This is a rare occurrence, but we have had three of these situations in the past year.

We can use homes that have been licensed for foster care by the State, but there is a problem if the State has a current placement in the home. We have one wonderful home in the South Valley area, but do not have one in the area of Sandy-Midvale-Murray-Draper-Cottonwood.

There is a somewhat involved process to get a home licensed and to update the home on an annual basis, but if this seems interesting to you, it would be well worth it. If you have questions, please call the Sandy office (801-566-2556) and talk to Connie Mason.

We'll Pay for HALF of your UAC registration fee!

2009-03-11T12:05:00.002-06:00

The upcoming UAC conference is sure to be a great experience! The Sandy FSA would like to get as many of you there as possible! We will pay for half of the UAC conference fee for the first five individuals that contact Gail at 801-566-2556. Enjoy the conference, everyone!

Hep Needed at the UAC conference

2009-03-03T23:02:00.003-07:00

The National FSA is setting up a booth at the UAC conference and needs help manning the booth on March 18th between the hours or 8:30 and 4:30. This can be an individual or a couple and can be done in shifts. If any of you can spare an hour or two, please contact us as soon as possible! Thank you all for your help!

Send an email to sandyfsa@gmail.com

The Gift of Adoption

2009-03-03T22:10:00.007-07:00

The February 2009 Ensign contains an article called The Gift of Adoption. It includes four beautiful adoption stories, written by a birth mother, a birth father, birth grandparent, and an adopted child. This is a wonderful way to share the beauty of adoption with family and friends. If you have not been able to see a copy yet, the link is included here for you.

Article: The Gift of Adoption
Ensign, February 2009

During the same month, the Friend also published a sweet story about adoption.

Making a Family
Friend, February 2009

These articles are so helpful for introducing adoption into many lives. Please send a note of thanks to the Ensign for printing it. Click here for the magazine's contact information or send am email directly to ensign@ldschurch.org Perhaps it might lead to even more articles that teach the beauty of adoption.

Birthmother's Day Celebration

2009-02-05T15:46:00.002-07:00

Birthmother's Day Celebration

We need your help! Each year, FSA works with LDS Family Services to hold the annual Birthmother's Day celebration near Mother's Day.

"Mother's Day is a particularly difficult day for a girl who has placed a baby," says Connie Mason, Adoptive Supervisor of Sandy LDSFS. "The goal is to make it a nice evening where the girls feel remembered and honored."

Women who have placed in the past, as well as those currently placing are invited to an evening of dinner, speakers, music, and gifts.

This year's theme is "Remember" and will be held on May 7th. We are currently in need of FSA members to volunteer and donate.

We need your help to honor birthmothers! Please email sandyfsa@gmail.com!

Annual UAC Adoption Conference

2009-02-05T14:52:00.004-07:00

The annual UAC Adoption Conference, this year titled "Perspectives on Adoption" will be held Wednesday and Thursday, March 18th and 19th, at the South Towne Expo Center in Sandy. Although many areas of adoption will be addressed, multiracial/transracial adoption will be a main topic.

The conference format is different again this year. There will be a main speaker both days and workshops designed to meet the needs of both parents and professionals will take place both Thursday and Friday.

Rita Simon Ph.D. will be the keynote speaker as well as a workshop presenter. She will talk on the in-depth experiences of 24 adult transracial adoptees as they were growing up in white families. She will also briefly describe the parent's reactions to having adopted children of a different race. She will report on a 20-year-study that was conducted with Howard Altstein on white families that adopted non-white children and how they followed those families until the children became adults.

During Thursday's lunch, there will be a special panel on Transracial Adoption Stories. Transracial adoption affects everyone in the adoption triad. This panel will share their personal experience and how it has impacted their lives.

One day is $65.00 or two days for $90.00. There is a 10% discount for groups of 10 or more that register together. The registration deadline is postmarked by March 4th. Registrations will be accepted at the door for an additional $15.00 fee. No discounts available for registrations at the door. All major credit cards accepted.

This information and more are posted on the UAC website, www.utahadoptioncouncil.org. The brochure will be emailed to all FSA members, or you can download the brochure here, and you can request a hardcopy from your LDS Family Services caseworker.

Transracial Adoption Seminar

2009-02-05T14:43:00.003-07:00

Transracial Adoption Seminar
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Brigham Young University
Conference Center

9 am - 5:30 pm

This is a free conference that will focus on issues in both transnational and transracial adoptions. Featured speakers will be Rita J. Simon (American University) and Howard Altstein (University of Maryland).

While the conference is free, it is requested that audience members register so that they can plan room sizes and locations within the conference center. Lunch can also be purchased in advance.

For further information about registering and luncheon details, send an email to Transracialadoption@gmail.com

Adoptive Couple Support Group

2009-02-05T14:35:00.002-07:00

An unfulfilled adoption opportunity is very painful to experience. LDS Family Services recognizes the need for adoptive couples to work through this pain, and has developed a Support Group for adoptive couples who have experienced the loss of an expected adoption or similar situation. The group will meet the first Thursday of every month from 5:30 - 7pm in the Sandy Agency Conference Room. Contact your caseworker with questions.

Wishing Everyone a Merry Christmas

2008-12-22T23:37:00.004-07:00

As we approach the Christmas season, we hope everyone enjoys the spirit of Christmas ... the love of our Savior and the gift that we have to share that love with others. As President Thomas S. Monson said;

"To the Christ child, the wise men of old presented gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh. These are not the gifts Jesus asks of us. From the treasure of our hearts, Jesus asks that we give of ourselves." (Thomas S Monson, New Era, 2003)

We are in a season of love and friendship and we hope that everyone can share the love in your hearts with everyone you come in contact with.

Merry Christmas everyone!

Foster and Adoptive Family Forum

2008-12-20T19:00:00.001-07:00

Reminder: New LDS Family Services Website!!!

2008-12-01T19:47:00.002-07:00

This is just a reminder that LDS Family Services is launching a new website for adoption couples. You must complete the new information before the launch date in order to avoid losing all of your information previously filled out. This will be effective by January 1st. Please be certain to take care of this before then so your profile does not go down!

To enter your information, go to http://beta.itsaboutlove.org. Click on the Hoping to Adopt tab under the picture then click on Login To Application on the left hand menu. Click on the Yes button when the message appears. This will take you to the BlueStep site https://itsaboutlove.bluestep.net where you will be asked to log in. Use the User Name and Password that you have used previously to access BlueStep. If you have forgotten your password, click on the help question below the login to retrieve your password. If you still cannot log in, contact your local agency and have them verify your user name and reset your password.

New FSA Website

2008-11-15T19:00:00.001-07:00

FSA Member,

Greetings from the National Families Supporting Adoption Board! We are excited to announce that the Families Supporting Adoption website is live at familiessupportingadoption.org. In order to see the contents of the web site, you will be prompted to register, and to create a username and password for future use. The following are just a few of the many features you will find on this site:

*Calendar of upcoming FSA events

*FSA Chapter newsletters across the country

*Items for sale at the FSA store

*Detailed information on FSA's core efforts and activities

*FSA National Newsletter

*Presentations from national and regional FSA conferences

*Official FSA Handbook

*And Much More!

Please visit the site soon and tell us what you think and how it can be improved. Thank you for keeping the spirit and practice of adoption alive!

A Giving Heart Fundraiser

2008-10-16T22:40:00.001-06:00

Click on the image for a larger view of the image.

FSA Temple Night

2008-10-14T14:05:00.002-06:00

The Sandy FSA would like to invite all of our couples to join us for a session at the Jordan River Temple. We would love to see you all there!

When: Friday, November 7th
Time: 7 pm session (be there at least 20 minutes early)

Jordan River Temple
10200 S 1300 W
South Jordan UT 84095-8814

If you have any questions, email us at sandyfsa@gmail.com

National Adoption Celebration at Boondocks!

2008-10-14T14:00:00.004-06:00

Walk With Me

2008-09-22T20:45:00.004-06:00

Walk With Me

Come join us for the 3rd Annual Adoption Walk 5K at Liberty Park in Salt Lake City. This event will be Saturday, November 8th. Registration begins at 9:30 am and the walk will start at 10:00 am. If you need more information, email adoptionwalk@hotmail.com

Remember to wear orange cause Orange you glad for adoption!?!

What is FSA?

2008-09-07T17:49:00.000-06:00

Our organization is sponsored by LDS Family Services to advocate a positive view of adoption. We focus our efforts in four main areas: education/support, legislation, media and outreach

Education and Support:
We help LDS Family Services provide education and support to families involved in the adoption process

Legislation:
Working with other adoption advocacy groups, we build relationships with local and national leaders to monitor and promote positive adoption legislation

Media:
We actively encourage the public media to present accurate information about adoption

Outreach:
We communicate the benefits of adoption and the assistance available from LDS Family Services to birth parents and families, Church groups, and the community.

We've Moved!

2008-09-07T17:46:00.001-06:00

Sandy FSA has moved it's site to the friendly space of blogger. We are sure glad you came with us! Please check back often for updates and events, as well as heart-friendly thoughts and ideas. As usual, we would love your input and your help! Email us at sandyfsa@gmail.com for information about how you can help Families Supporting Adoption.