My adjustment to open adoption

Open adoption.  I feel like I have a book to write about all of my feelings.  I want to be honest and open, in hopes that my own feelings and experiences, which have been ALL over the spectrum, will be helpful to someone in someway because I know that it can be a very new concept for so many of us that are hoping to adopt.  So, here is one little part of my own experience...

When I started learning more about adoption I was also learning about open adoption.  The more I learned the more I embraced this idea and I wanted to jump in with everything that I had.  My husband, Jon, on the other hand, was very on board with adoption but he had a lot of reservations about open adoption.  He was nervous.  Nervous about what role birth parents would have in our lives and our childrens lives.  Nervous that this might somehow take away from our role as our children's parents.  We went to the adoption education classes and listened to the wonderful birth parent panel.  Jon had given open adoption a lot of thought and now was ready for an open adoption.

Fast forward a few months, our son, Noah, was born in Georgia.  We met his wonderful birth family for the first time.  We loved them so much and were so grateful for them.  Then it was time to head home and start our normal life with our new beautiful baby.  All of the sudden, open adoption, became so complicated in my mind for me.  The reality set in and surprisingly, it was me, not Jon, who was all of the sudden having a hard time figuring out how to make an open adoption work in our lives.  I felt every emotion that you can imagine.  I was so grateful for Noah's birth parents and I truely and sincerely loved them so much but I also sometimes felt overwhelmed at how to balance them into our lives.  It felt more complicated than I wanted it to be. 

When I look back at this time, I think a lot of my own inner struggles were caused by the pressure that I put on myself.  I wanted to be the very best adoptive mom in the world to our birth parents.  I wanted so much for Noah's birth parents to be happy with their decision to place with us.  I had started a private blog for them to look at and that was going to be our main way of sending pictures and updates on what was going on with him.  I posted everyday for the first month of his life.  Then I started blogging every other day and did that for a long time.  Then every three days, then every week, then every two weeks.  I really have to emphasize again, how wonderful Noah's birth family was.  They were not the ones asking for this much.  It was me feeling like I wanted and needed to do this for them but in turn it started having the opposite effect on me.  I felt overwhelmed with this responsibility that I had put on myself. 

A lot has changed between then and now.  I have learned a lot and have realized that Noah's birth parents trusted us to be his parents and to be the best parent I can, my focus always needs to be on doing what is best for him and our family first.  (Seems so obvious, right?) 

I am so happy that Noah's birth family is in our lives.  We were able to go back to Georgia in May and visit them for the first time.  Now that I am not worrying so much about always doing the right thing, the relationship seems so much more simple.  They are wonderful people that love Noah so much and want the best for him just like we do.

What have been your experiences with open adoption?  Has it been an easy adjustment or am I the only one that struggled a little bit to figure it out?!  I would love to hear from you!

-Angela